Gay Prides: Good or Bad?

I think I know my answer to this question already... (S)

How many of us have heard our LGBT friends dissing gay pride parades? Most of you I imagine.

Some of both LGBT and straight people have doubts about the utility of the gay pride, and some even say it's counter-productive and revolts some straight people.

It's the age-old question of "are pride parades a good idea or do they portray bad stereotypes?" which has been asked endlessly since the first gay pride in 1969 after the Stonewall riots.

And that's where the question can start to be answered. The Stonewall riots.

Breaking the Stereotype: We are no Different

Shutterstock always has the best
images of confused people

Dudes and dudettes, today in my study-fogged manner, I write to you all from my own personal experience. Today I explain to you all exactly how to speak to someone like I.

The teenage LGBTQ community is one which is, sadly, pockmarked by the bullied, the marginalised, and the suicidal. A teenager whose sexuality is not that of society’s definition of the “norm” (that is, a teenager who is not straight) is one who society expects to be bullied. It has become so normal for LGBTQ youth to be depressed and struggling with their sexuality, that it is expected of us. The amount of people who tell my friends and I that they are surprised how comfortable we are with ourselves, is astonishing.

My friends and I are the portion of LGBTQ youth who don’t struggle day to day, but that doesn’t mean that the apprehension to come out isn’t there. We stick to the people we know are safe- we’re closeted in the classes where teachers are homophobic, we don’t let news about our sexualities be spread around the school. And we’re happy to take questions from people about our sexualities- within reason.

What I learnt about Gay Bars

As someone who only came to accept their sexuality a little under a year and a half ago, and who spent the very vast majority of their childhood in an Irish Catholic elementary school and going to Church every Sunday, I did have a lot of misconceptions gay people and their lifestyles. I had, until recently, misconceptions about all kinds of gender- and sexuality-related topics, from the explanation of the term transgender, to the degenerate image of gay people I had in my head.

Now that I have been accepting of my sexuality for a year or so, I've been growing more comfortable with myself, I've had substantial amounts of interaction with the QUILTBAG community and learnt so much, and as it turns out I'm still learning how wrong everything I "knew" was.

Last week I had my first clubbing experience in a gay bar. I was a little hesitant about going, and here's why.

Let's all dress in glitter, rainbows and sing Lady Gaga

"Is it okay to fit gay stereotypes?", "Are stereotypes a bad thing?", "I'm afraid of sounding/looking too gay"...

Stop. People, please. Worrying about stereotypes is a pointless exercise. Not only that, but it contradicts the whole point of coming out.

Coming out isn't about lifting a weight off your shoulders, it isn't even about looking for acceptance. You come out of the closet because you're fed up of repressing your personality. You come out because you want to express yourself. It's like putting Mentos into a bottle of Coca Cola and putting the lid back on. There comes a point where the gay inside you just builds up and builds up until eventually you can't take it anymore and the lid pops off in a spray of bubbles...

I like to make fun of gay stereotypes and flaunt with them from time to time. It's fun! It's something I find myself doing more and more, and do I care? Do I find myself stopping and worrying about how it might "affect" people?

As a Man, and a Gay Man, what am I Supposed to Like?

Believe it or not, this show has been described as both the manliest AND the gayest cartoon out there. (S)

Being a gay man who doesn't always conform to his society's concepts of 'masculinity' OR 'homosexuality', something of a feminist, and the brother of an academic who's finishing up her master's degree in gender studies, I'd say I'm slightly more sensitive to stereotypes of gender and sexual orientation than the average person (you might have noticed this if you've read my other articles on the blog).  And for quite a while, this combination actually had me quite worried about who I was and what I liked. See, when I'm aware of certain stereotypes or expectations that society has of me, I feel a kind of... compulsion to defy them. For quite a while I allowed that to influence how I saw myself, and it left me pretty conflicted.

More real than thou

Sometimes drag queens are told they're "not fooling
anyone" (S)

“Real men” and “real women” – I bet every one of you has heard these two phrases. But, what is a real man or woman? From time to time you can hear the phrase “real men do this” or “real women are like that”, sometimes with the intention to shame a man that is too effeminate, or a woman that is not feminine enough, sometimes with the intention to put down a transgender or gay person. Also, it seems like the criteria that you need to meet to be considered real never actually ends… You’re never good enough! So, what’s this all about? Where does it all stem from and what do people mean when they talk about those mythical “real men/women”?

Modern Family and Being Gay (but not Homo)

Mitch and Cam and their daughter, Lily, are one of the three core families of the show (S)

I watch Modern Family. What?! Yes, it's true. An award-winning, well-received (both critically and popularly) ensemble sitcom that includes two gay regular characters? Why on Earth would I want to watch that? Weird, I know. I'll give you a moment to recover from the surprise.

Alright? Okay, so moving on to the real point of this story. I was watching the third season finale, in which Claire and Phil's daughter Alex goes to the prom, when I was struck once again with disappointment by the writing of the show. Allow me to recreate my reaction to this scene.

ABC's 'Happy Endings': Came for the Gay, Stayed for the Funny

The main cast of Happy Endings (S)

Last summer, I found myself channel surfing one day, when I saw something weird. I had landed on a show called 'Happy Endings'. Generally I prefer to watch shows from beginning to end, so coming in on the middle of an episode, I wanted to move on quickly. I kept moving, but not before I was able to catch a minute or two of the show. In those short minutes, I saw something interesting: a man giving another man his number. This in itself wasn't particularly strange; gay characters are becoming more and more prominent on prime time television. What I found odd was that neither of them were wearing scarves, or sweater vests; neither of them had particularly effeminate voices or mannerisms; they weren't at all theatrical or peppy. These were just two guys. As I said, I moved on because I didn't want to come in mid-season or mid-episode, but as someone who's always wanted to see more diverse gay characters on TV, I made a mental note to check out the show later. And I'm glad I did, because I've come to enjoy both the show's humour and its depiction of gay characters.

The Gay Agenda's Newest Victim

Our evil plot to subvert the Constitution and desecrate the natural order is coming along swimmingly, ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof, and none of the above.* Our infiltration into the highest echelons of American consciousness is nearly complete. We have plucked another hapless soul from the very arms of Straight Republican Jesus and pulled him into the gay lifestyle. I am talking of course about the wonderful reporter Anderson Cooper.

Another one bites the dust (source cnn.com)

"Girly Gays"

Anyone else know 4 poofs and a piano? (S)

It's commonly said in homophobic culture that gay men are "poofs"; that they're weak, pathetic and easily offended.

There's an endless list of homophobic slurs in the English language. Poof, fag, fudge packer, sh*t stabber, ass bandit, ass lover, bender, sissy, batty boy, fruitcake... I could go on but it would be pointless. The list grows longer all the time. These slurs are mostly used by other men. Why? To prove they're not gay, to impress their other immature friends, to fit in, to sound "manly".

This is where my problem is...

Stereotyping the Straight

Gareth Thomas, gay Welsh rugby player.
Come and tell him he's feminine, I dare you (S)

A lot of people online and in real life have a very set definition of what people from each sexual minority look like. You know the stereotypes, I’m sure – and as someone I talked to put it, “all stereotypes are based on fact”.

Which is why all gay men are extremely effeminate, all lesbian women are masculine, all bisexuals can only have threesomes, and all asexuals are heartless. Right.

LGB Engineers, You Aren't Alone

Don't worry about the black box.
You'll learn it when you're a grad student. (S)

I just read Navigating the Heteronormativity of Engineering; The Experiences of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Students by Cech and Waidzunas, and I really connected with what they wrote. This paper discussed the challenges that LGB individuals face in engineering school. I am sorry that I am not including transgendered or asexual people in this article. The article I just read did not mention the experiences of asexuals or transgendered people, and I have not had enough conversations with transgendered or asexual people in engineering to feel that I can write about their experiences, so that is why I have chosen to not include them in this article. I hear there are a lot of transgendered people in coding, so if anyone knows about that, I would love to hear more.

What I can say for certain, is engineering is difficult, so LGB people in engineering are already in a difficult place. But what makes this experience especially difficult at some institutions is perceived incompetency of Gays and Lesbians, the silence around queer issues, the separation of the personal life and professional life, and the need to "pass." I see all of these arising out of the lack of dialogue and perceptions of incompetence, so I will talk about these two subjects in this blog post.

Word in the Herd: The Power of Stereotypes

DIFFERENCES BAD. HOMOGENEITY GOOD.

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof, and none of the above, I left you hanging in my last post. I revealed to you the unearthly horror that was Rachel Maddow's choice in fashion before she came out, and used this to make a point about femme invisibility. Femme lesbians, because they do not adhere to the stereotypes that lesbians hold about themselves, are passed over. But why do these stereotypes still exist? We know better! 

Invisible Light

Note: This is generally frowned upon.

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof and none of the above, stereotypes are bad. They are not good. This statement is almost trite in its inoffensiveness. We, of all people, should especially know the dangers of stereotypes, having suffered from them for most of our lives. So it is with a heavy heart that I admit that I have participated in the unfair labeling of human beings.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Gay

The rainbow's looking bright Source

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof and none of the above, I admit that I have fallen into a dangerous way of thinking . On innumerable occasions has yours truly been described as a "zealot", "radical", "angry", "future all-powerful lesbian overlord", et cetera. Now, righteous anger is to me as gasoline is to my car. It puts the life back into my blood and the cynical humor into my writing. If left to my own devices, I will wax lyrical about justified rage indefinitely, as I am starting to do now. But I have learned that there is a time and place for everything. LGBTQ folk in the forefront of the Culture Wars spend so much time trying to explain why queer sexuality is not wrong that we forget to dwell on the ways in which it is right. We need to set aside time not only to defend our way of loving others, but to celebrate it. And what better time than Pride Month? I'd like to share one of my personal favorite parts of being a lesbian.

Gaysians I Look To

Ronan, beautifully photographed by Norm Yip, 2011. (S)

Shirtless, Ronan looks to the left. He is thinking about something. The light illuminates his face at just the angle to bring out his calm yet strong features. Beneath, his toned body completes the image of youth and wonder. This is one photo of many I admire. It was photographed and processed by Norm Yip, a photographer based in Hong Kong. He does the photography that most photographers do: weddings, models and fine art—but he also regularly updates a series called: “The Asian Male.” Some see his work as slightly pornographic and shallow, but I disagree. One could easily be distracted by the hot guys, but if one really looks at the skill of his art and the purpose behind his art, one sees more than hot guys.