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The teenage LGBTQ community is one which is, sadly, pockmarked by the bullied, the marginalised, and the suicidal. A teenager whose sexuality is not that of society’s definition of the “norm” (that is, a teenager who is not straight) is one who society expects to be bullied. It has become so normal for LGBTQ youth to be depressed and struggling with their sexuality, that it is expected of us. The amount of people who tell my friends and I that they are surprised how comfortable we are with ourselves, is astonishing.
My friends and I are the portion of LGBTQ youth who don’t struggle day to day, but that doesn’t mean that the apprehension to come out isn’t there. We stick to the people we know are safe- we’re closeted in the classes where teachers are homophobic, we don’t let news about our sexualities be spread around the school. And we’re happy to take questions from people about our sexualities- within reason.
Over this year, that caution has not necessarily worked as intended every day. We have still received questions and statements that we probably didn’t need- “You can be my gay best friend!”; “Maybe you haven’t met the right guy yet?”; “You don’t look like a lesbian...”; and, my personal favourite: “So what.. you’re like, a straight lesbian?”
(Need I remind you all that I’m either polysexual or pansexual. And because of that, I (somehow) do not identify as a lesbian.)
No matter what, if a queer teenager comes out to you, there are limits to what you can say to ensure that their trust in you is going to remain. The statements above are ones which I find offensive, but they can range from mild to abusive depending who you talk to. Everyone is offended on different levels, but there are some basic lines which should not be crossed.
These include phrases which objectify and dehumanize us, or which are derogatory and hurtful. And, as I’ve already detailed in previous posts, words and phrases which do these things might not even be directed at the person who they offend.
So many people who use these phrases, use the ‘freedom of speech’ argument. Let me tell you now; there is a difference between freedom of speech and being an asshole. Having the freedom to make your own opinions without being persecuted does not give you the right to put people down.
Why should we, LGBTQ youth, be expected to put up with putdowns and insults? Why should anyone? It is cruel, it is demeaning, and it is something that no one should ever have to face.
And the mere idea that society expects to see that makes me feel ill.
Homophobia and hatred have conditioned society into seeing us as depressed, suicidal, and struggling. People are so used to it that they expect every individual in the LGBTQ community to be the same, to have faced violent homophobia. But we are not all the same. We are just people- people who are no different to everyone else, and we should not have to face hatred to fit their stereotypes. It is possible for an LGBTQ person to be completely comfortable in their sexuality- or for an LGBTQ person not to face homophobia every day. Just because people expect it to happen, does not mean it is a gap for someone to fill.
(Need I remind you all that I’m either polysexual or pansexual. And because of that, I (somehow) do not identify as a lesbian.)
No matter what, if a queer teenager comes out to you, there are limits to what you can say to ensure that their trust in you is going to remain. The statements above are ones which I find offensive, but they can range from mild to abusive depending who you talk to. Everyone is offended on different levels, but there are some basic lines which should not be crossed.
These include phrases which objectify and dehumanize us, or which are derogatory and hurtful. And, as I’ve already detailed in previous posts, words and phrases which do these things might not even be directed at the person who they offend.
So many people who use these phrases, use the ‘freedom of speech’ argument. Let me tell you now; there is a difference between freedom of speech and being an asshole. Having the freedom to make your own opinions without being persecuted does not give you the right to put people down.
Why should we, LGBTQ youth, be expected to put up with putdowns and insults? Why should anyone? It is cruel, it is demeaning, and it is something that no one should ever have to face.
And the mere idea that society expects to see that makes me feel ill.
Homophobia and hatred have conditioned society into seeing us as depressed, suicidal, and struggling. People are so used to it that they expect every individual in the LGBTQ community to be the same, to have faced violent homophobia. But we are not all the same. We are just people- people who are no different to everyone else, and we should not have to face hatred to fit their stereotypes. It is possible for an LGBTQ person to be completely comfortable in their sexuality- or for an LGBTQ person not to face homophobia every day. Just because people expect it to happen, does not mean it is a gap for someone to fill.
To conclude: QHST (has anyone ever noticed that student doesn’t actually start with a T? This is what happens when people let me write!) hates hate, and thinks that we shouldn’t still be used to seeing it. What do you think? The comments are open for discussions, kids!
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