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| And Kal's heart grew two sizes that year. |
I know, I know, my profile says I'm panromantic. I need to update that. See, I never wanted to be aromantic. The moment I knew what asexual was, I identified as it. That was great. When I found out about aromantic, I kinda identified, but I ignored it.
The basic formula for a Disney movie is sad girl, finds prince, is happy. And I grew up with that. Barbie had Ken. Ariel had Eric. I mean Ariel gave up her voice for a guy she just met. It's what people like to see- love conquering all. Sacrificing something for the one you love.
But every time I was in a romantic setting I ran from it. I hate kissing, cuddling, huggling, snuggling, all of that. It makes my feel really icky. And I started to realise I may never find that perfect romance..and I'll die alone with cats. So I went into denial. That no, I'm not aromantic, I'm panromantic.
Lying to yourself only gets you so far.
So I became really jealous of all of those happy lovers. Not because I didn't have a love of my own, but because I couldn't love. And that felt sad. All of those milestones that I would have (prom date, marriage, anniversary, etc) kinda all went away.
Of course I only thought about this at all times which only made things worse. I mean, the basic human instinct is to find a mate, right? So what kind of human am I? I'm broken. The primary instinct is broken.
So of course, I began to hate Valentine's Day. Wow..I sound like the Grinch. But it just felt like the world was taunting me, saying everyone will find love..everyone but me.
And until very recently, I'm actually okay with that.
Let's go on an allusion trip! Remember Aquamarine? That movie with a mermaid? In 2006? No really, this is still on topic. So spoilers here, it's about a mermaid and her dad gets mad because she refuses an arranged marriage. So the mermaid's goal is to prove to her dad within a few days that she can find love on her own, so she gets turned into a human. That's the really basic stuff, it's not that boring.
So there's some hot lifeguard type guy which the mermaid likes, but in the end, he doesn't like her back and the mermaid's dad is about to force her back into the ocean, but the mermaid's two friends claim to love her. In the end, friendship was proven to be a type of love and in that case love won in the end.
I wanted the mermaid to get with the hot lifeguard, but until very recently, I've come to appreciate that movie more. It's rare to have a movie targeted to a younger audience in which the moral is friendship love is still love. That you don't have to find that perfect guy, that in fact having very strong friendships are just as satisfying as a lover.
That made being aromantic a lot easier to accept. Because looking around, I have very, very strong friendships. I love these people. I in no way wish to kiss them or anything like that, but I consider us to be soulmates. It's a bond as strong as love because..well..it is. So uh..thank you people making Aquamarine..it took seven years, but the moral finally got through to me.
Now with the mindset of “hey, I don't need to have a lover in my life, as long as I love my friends, that's plenty of love for me” this Valentine's Day was a lot easier to go through. I wasn't bitter. I was..happy. Yeah. Huge steps here. I was happy for all of those people that had love. And why shouldn't they celebrate that.
So far this year, I've come to the conclusion that there are a lot of types of love..but in the end love is love. Whether you want to kiss or cuddle or just play video games all day. It's still the most powerful emotion (I think so anyway) and a bond that can drive people to do crazy things and a drive to keep someone going in life. But whether one finds love in one romantic partner or a lot of platonic friends, it's still love in the end. And that should be celebrated.
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