Supporting the Individual Within You

A Different Source of Support
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Just a couple nights ago I saw the film "Bully". For those of you who do not know, "Bully" is a documentary on bullying in schools. It isn't focused on LGBT bullying, but does follow LGBT students among others.

I thought "Bully" was well done. The film does a great job of opening your eyes to some of the effects of bullying, and it also will hopefully cause people to reflect more on the issue as a whole. But it also left out a lot of important aspects of bullying. Bullying is something every single kid who's gone through some kind of schooling system can relate to. However, even beyond schooling, bullying can be found in the work place, at home, or in any other social environment really (including, let's not forget, the Internet!). I want to focus in on the most important aspect of bullying as I see it: peer pressure. I felt it was not brought to light in the film, yet it is relevant not just to kids but to all ages from all walks of life. As LGBT, supporting the individual within us is as crucial as ever. Many of us are bombarded throughout our lives by pressures from strangers, friends, family, politicians, media, etc., that can lead us down a damaging path for the rest of our lives. I would like to discover, here in this article: how might we learn to support our individual strength so that we may avoid the negative, damaging pressures, but reap from the positive, productive, and energizing bits of people that can fuel our bodies?

To delve into this issue, I'd like to step back a moment and look at bullying. The most fundamental aspect of bullying is the presence of peer pressure. This is both the pressure for one to conform, get caught up in a group, and also the pressure put against the individual who does not conform or who is 'refused admittance' to the group. It is natural, especially in elementary school and high school, to feel a need to fit in nicely with those around you, even if they are not your friends. If you are in a group of people and one person, acting as a kind of 'leader', says "That film was just stupid", the automatic response for most is to agree regardless of what they actually thought of the film independently of this leader. This is true whether you would like to admit it or not. It is very easy to fall into the trap of agreeing with a majority just because it is a majority, even for those of us who are aware of the inclination.

The Power of the Group
www.money-mind101.com/peer_pressure/peer-pressure/

Bullying thrives in the instinctual power of the group. It hits hard on everyone in the group's presence: people get caught up in the group and conform into the role of a bully. The group also represents the potency of the attack against the individual or individuals being bullied. The individual may also fall into the trap of seeing this group's views as something they should be following and mimicking. However, they are excluded from the group and made to feel foolish, moronic, simple-minded, weak, weird, unappealing, stupid, different, excessive, wrong, minuscule, etc. etc.

So what, what, whatever do we do to protect ourselves from this trap and maintain strength in our individual selves? Well, first things first. Lets recognize we've just identified a hugely important difficulty that we must overcome: this instinct to harmonize with a group. It can certainly be fantastic, being part of a group. Conceptually, the 'group' is a wonderful thing and a potential source for much positivity and productivity. However, as many things, the 'group' is a double-edged sword. As powerfully positive it may be, it can be terribly damaging as well.

So, we know too that the instinct to harmonize with a group is both dangerous and tempting. What do we do about it? There's many factors involved. It's not so easy just to say 'stand up for yourself!', because not everyone is in a safe position to do that, and some people are simply not ready to make that mental leap - to be able to stand up as an individual among a large group is no easy feat.

Taking a Step in the Right Direction
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But yes, that is one factor to keep in mind: stand up for yourself as an individual, have confidence in yourself.

It's worth mentioning that all these advices that I will provide are just things 'to keep in mind'. They are not 'truths' or 'commands', simply suggestions and passing advice. So, what else may we keep in mind?

If you can form your own group of a positive force, that is an immense tool that can stand up to bullying. It is important, however, that your group does not simply become a bully itself, even as a supposed force of good. As one of my favourite authors, Ursula K. LeGuin, said, "To oppose something is to maintain it". A positive group, in my opinion, does not entail opposing the offensive group. That is antagonistic, and fuels further conflict. Rather, the necessary role of the 'positive group' is very simple but also challenging. It must lose the need to be better than others, focusing instead on simply being. All that is needed is that the people in the group support one another. It must simply exist as a collaborative group. It is unnecessary to take an opposing role to support your fellow human beings.

A Wholly Positive Group
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But what if you are alone amongst people? Perhaps you are not in a position to make friends, nor, perhaps, are you in a position to stand strong for yourself as per the first advice. Well, my friend, you are indeed in a predicament. But a predicament that many people go through in their lives at some point or another. But, I have another suggestion specifically for you to keep in mind; a piece of advice that bubbled up from the wanderings of my mind:

Create something. You don't need to be an artist or a musician, a writer or a builder. Anyone can create if they put their mind to it, in any situation. The key here is to create something not that you lose yourself in as a form of escapism, but a creation that complements you in the reality we live in. ie., it is important that you not create just as a way to escape reality, but as a way to support you in reality. This will give you a powerful source of strength, and help you stand true as an individual.

I'd like to now focus on this last idea, go into it in more detail, and give you a personal example of what I have done in this vein of thought.

Not that long ago I went about creating something. Now, I'm a generally creative person, but of all the things I've created, this one had an especially unique effect on me. I decided that I would create a story, using existing music that I love. Now, I emphasize again that this is not about being a creative or talented person or any some such. This is not something reserved only for the creative or talented mind, nor is it reserved to using music in any way, as I will tell you that I used. Anyways, what I did was I went into a music editing program that I use often, and stitched together music to create this story. It was not my personal story, yet it was still a part of me, and close to my heart. I ended up creating a 6 hour long progression of music that, when I listen to it (whether parts of it or the whole thing), calms me and supports me even in my lowest moments, when the individual inside me feels like breaking down and dying.

I thought about why this is - I've created many things that do not grant that same feeling of support - and it would seem to me that it is because the creation has its own presence, and yet it is a presence I can relate to on a powerful level. It is like a reminder of what I know already but sometimes forget - it tells this story to me of pain and hardships, success and moments of happiness, complication and resolution. It tells me, when I am in those difficult moments doubting myself, my confidence, my existence... It tells me that its shared those moments with me, and then reminds me about other moments, other ideas, other memories that I share with it and that support me back to a more balanced state of mind.

Now, before I lose you in abstractness and strange personal anecdote, let me return to the task at hand. Lets see if we can make this idea a bit more concrete. What is it you might try to create in order that your creation supports you? First, remember that if it is indeed serving its purpose, it will not be granting you a form of escape, but it will be supporting you, rejuvenating your health so to speak, clearing your mind of all the gunk that loneliness, self-doubt, and fear build up in you. Also recognize that you might not succeed in your creation, or that you might succeed but on a small level that helps you only a bit. Neither of these outcomes - failure or small successes - are bad, but rather steps along the path.

So, how are we going about creating this 'thing'. What should we keep in mind? First advice would be that it should be something physical. Imagination is a fantastic thing, but this output of creativity must exist outside of your imagination. Ie., it will result in the interaction of your imagination with your physical creation. In my case, the physical creation became something that I could listen to. But it may be something you can see, or something you can hold or read, or any other 'thing' that has some kind of physical representation. By being physical, it draws you into reality rather than away from it.

The next advice is to create it out of an idea that is personal, something that is close to you. Have some kind of story or meaning or significance behind your creation. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but you. If someone listened to my 6 hour musical creation, it is unlikely they could ever derive the same story that I hear in my head when I listen to it. But its meaning is crystal clear to me. This concept is very important, because its easy to get caught up in worry when you create something. "Is it any good?"is not a question you need to be asking here. It doesn't matter if it's "good" or "well made" or anything like that, so long as it has significance to you.

Then, the last advice is to go on and create! Take some time off, give it your attention, treat it with importance. Remember that you exist among all kinds of different physical objects and mediums, and any of them can be used to create. Your bed sheets, the Internet, a piece of paper, music, a video game... Don't shy away from using existing things - in fact I would say it is advisable to make use of existing things that already have some significance to you! Just make it your own, make it more personal somehow. I mean, it could even consist of taking two video games that have some kind of significance to you, and making the conscious decision to play one after the other, if that act contains some higher significance to you. What is important is that the creation remains physical, that its support is physical, but that the connection you have with it is in your mind, strengthening it, strengthening your bond to reality, and thus strengthening yourself as an individual with that reality.

A Supported Individual
www.skillsconverged.com

And that's it. These are the things I would like you to keep in mind. It is my hope - not that you will defeat the bullies - but that you will construct a powerful support that is unaffected by the bully, reducing them to a non-issue that you don't even think about. It is my hope that your powerful support will enable you to stand up as an individual, avoiding negative, damaging groups, and flourishing in the positive.

Be well, and remember: Freedom Requires Wings is here as a friend of the individual, and we are always at the ready as a source of support to all human beings!