The Love Gallery of Fail

Today I proudly present to you the artwork of the practically unheard-of genius named Leonardo Da Itchy.

Over the last three years, he has been researching and interpreting, through the medium of paint and LSD, a selection of romantic and sexual orientations as well as gender identities to try and make it easier for the everyday Tom, Dick or Harry to understand. I'm afraid you're all in for some surprises, as he doesn't have the foggiest idea of what they're all about. Now, when you're ready, enter the Love Gallery of Fail.

Androgynes

No, androgynes aren't an item of clothing from a Google fashion range. Although androgynes are, in a way, related to fashion in that they can dress differently.

"Androgynous" is not a trend, but describes someone who sees themselves as neither male nor female and doesn't fit into those gender roles in society.

Many androgynes identify as being mentally "between" woman and man, or as entirely genderless. They may identify as non-gendered, genderneutral, agendered, between genders, genderqueer, multigendered, intergendered, pangender or gender fluid.

Androsexual

Ok, Da Itchy has got it wrong again. An androsexual is not somebody who's sexually attracted to Android phones... that's just absurd.

An androsexual is an anyone who has sexual feelings towards a man.

Derived from the Greek word andros which means "man" and the Latin word sexualis meaning "relating to sex," the term androsexual can be useful when describing the sexual orientation of an individual with a non-binary gender identity.

Aromantic

Excuse Da Itchy's poor artistic talents. He got it all wrong again anyways. Aromantics are far from loving any arrow, especially if it is that of Cupid's.

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Unlike sexual attraction, romantic attraction is an emotional bond based mostly around personality in the place of physical appearance. Though with sexual relationships, a romantic attraction is just as important as physical attraction!

Asexual

Asexual... a person who's sexually attracted to the letter 'A'? Wrong! But they do like purple.

Asexuals are people who are not sexually attracted to anyone. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, "no sex" is an intrinsic part of who asexuals are.

They form relationships built on romantic attraction with no desire for sex, and rarely experience any physical attraction to another person. When someone is asexual, romantic orientations are used to describe who they are romantically attracted to. More on that later.

Autosexual

Now how on earth could someone be sexually attracted to a car?

Autosexual is a term that describes a person that is sexually attracted to themselves.

This may sound a little narcissistic, ridiculous and impossible to realise but I must say, I don't think it's very easy to have sex with yourself... although I've never tried. Will we be fighting for marriage equality for autosexuals to marry themselves soon?

... could happen.

Biromantic

I have been told that the artist speaks British English (or proper English in other words) as he's Italian, and therefore the Yanks won't get this one. In English a biro is a ballpoint pen. Hope that clears up your confusion around the painting. He still got it wrong anyway.

Biromantics are romantically attracted to members of two different sexes or genders. Biromantic asexuals seek romantic relationships for a variety of reasons, including companionship, affection, and intimacy, but they are not sexually attracted to their romantic partners.

Heteroromantic

I think Da Itchy was a bit drunk for this one. It's not "hedge-row" romantic, as depicted in the painting, but heteroromantic.

Big word, I know, and I'm sure you understand how our drunk artist got to "hedgerow" instead of "hetero".

It's a person who is romantically attracted to a member of the opposite sex or gender. Heteroromantic asexuals seek romantic relationships for a variety of reasons, including companionship, affection, and intimacy, but they are not sexually attracted to their romantic partners. However, even sexuals can be heteroromantic when they are not heterosexual.

Homosexual

No, I think he's just pulling our leg now to be honest. Homosexuals aren't sexually attracted to houses and homes, no. Just, no.

They don't have any "agenda" either.

A person who is sexually attracted to a member of the same sex or gender is homosexual, or gay if you weren't born in the 1950s. Homoromantic asexuals seek romantic relationships for the same reasons as heteroromantics and they are not sexually attracted to their romantic partners either.

Lithromantic

Ok, I have to admit that for a moment I thought Da Itchy had managed to do something right for once, but no, I also felt a drop of pig sh*t falling from the sky. Lithromantic is not romantic attraction to stones.

Lithromantic is a term used to describe a person who experiences romantic love but does not want their feelings to be reciprocated. Basically, they fall in love with someone who doesn't love them.

Ever seen the film The Resident? Brr... No, just kidding! That was just plain creepy.

Panromantic

Save the old ones 'til last, eh? Oh come on, we all know this one is wrong too. Panromantics aren't romantically attracted to pans... although my friend is panromantic and she has threatened me with a pan many times before. There must be some kind of emotional bond there...

They are romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender. Similar to biromantic except that it includes genders beyond male and female including transgender and third gender. It's not biromantic. They feel their partner's gender does little to define their relationship.

WTFromantic

Where's-The-Fridge-romantic? No, and it's not someone who's questioning.

WTFromantic is a term to describe a person on the aromantic spectrum who does not see the lines between romance and friendship. Any of the following may also apply: cannot define romantic attraction and therefore do not know whether they experience it, have emotions between platonic and romantic attraction, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship.