What I learnt about Gay Bars

As someone who only came to accept their sexuality a little under a year and a half ago, and who spent the very vast majority of their childhood in an Irish Catholic elementary school and going to Church every Sunday, I did have a lot of misconceptions gay people and their lifestyles. I had, until recently, misconceptions about all kinds of gender- and sexuality-related topics, from the explanation of the term transgender, to the degenerate image of gay people I had in my head.

Now that I have been accepting of my sexuality for a year or so, I've been growing more comfortable with myself, I've had substantial amounts of interaction with the QUILTBAG community and learnt so much, and as it turns out I'm still learning how wrong everything I "knew" was.

Last week I had my first clubbing experience in a gay bar. I was a little hesitant about going, and here's why.

I'd like to start by pointing out that I went with friends from my university's LGBT association, and so although I wasn't nervous about going, I did have my reservations. But these reservations - as I would soon find out - were based upon misconceptions.

We started our long 30 minute walk at around midnight, headed in the direction of the nightclubs, and one of the many gay bars of Bordeaux, France. What I thought - or at least what society had taught me - about gay bars, was that first of all they're places where the air drips with the smell of sex. Now, while that did seem a little far-fetched to me, it still lingered on the back of my mind. The gay community seems to have this kind of slutty picture painted of it by a lot of society, whether you're Brian Fischer, or Cenk Uygur. It wasn't really something I was that willing to go to for that reason combined with the second misconception I had. However, it is important to know there's a difference between a gay bar and a gay sex club or bathhouse. That's not to say sex doesn't go on in gay bars, but it certainly didn't match my misconception at all.

My second misconception was that gay bars are full of 50 year-old men who like to frequent these places to pounce and prey upon younger flesh. Now while this sounds somewhat insulting I agree, I do know however, that it is a misconception I picked up from somewhere within the gay community itself. The thought of older men hitting on me didn't make me very comfortable about going. But after I got there, I think the oldest guy I saw all night was probably around 35, and there weren't many of them. A lot of the bar was comprised of men mostly, aged between 18 and 25 more or less. I immediately lost that lightly lingering sense of intimidation, which I'm sure stems from some kind of prejudice that says all older gay men are paedophiles - again, society gets it wrong, but you don't need to go to a gay bar to know that. During the night, four or five guys started chatting me up (preliminary drinking games shall always confuse us lest we remember the exact number) and not one of them was over the age of 20.

In addition to my misconceptions was the fact that I was someone who had never been to a nightclub before, let alone a gay bar. Everyone's a little shy about going to a nightclub for the first time, it's normal. It's a surreal and new experience that you don't find anywhere other than in the place itself. It's also not unusual to have not been to a nightclub until you get to college, or even to never have been to one at all, so it's certainly nothing to hide or feel ashamed of. Some people don't go because it's not their thing. That's fine, it's up to you and you can do what you want. Others have a sort of itch to go, but don't. Perhaps it's more prevalent in the gay community not to want to scratch that itch, especially when it comes to gay bars, because of the misconceptions we might have of them? That was the case with me, and the reason I'm writing this is because I'm sure I'm not alone.

Let it be said that I had an amazing night morning, the time flew by, and I ended up dancing to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" on a table with an American lesbian gypsie at half past four in the morning, and if you knew me in person I know for a fact you'd have a very hard time picturing that. I felt a lot more comfortable there once I realised my misconceptions were indeed wrong, and fathomed the idea it was far more awesome than anything I thought it would be. It exceeded my expectations and I'd more than happily go back tonight if you invited me, but I guess Wednesday night's a pretty lame time of week to go out.

Then again, like any nightclub, there are the good ones and the bad ones. You do have to be careful about its surroundings as well and going alone is generally not advised. Some jerks will hang around outside and wait for a "faggot" to come out so they can harass them or worse. I'm also not entertaining the idea that I was totally wrong to think the way I thought because I'm sure my misconceptions may actually be true for some gay bars. But if you know what the bar is like prior to going then you have some idea of what to expect. My friends had been there before and enjoyed it, and so they were going back and I was going with them.

The lesson to be learnt from my experience can be applied to anything in life. Never judge something or someone without knowing the facts or living the experience first.

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