Modern Family and Being Gay (but not Homo)

Mitch and Cam and their daughter, Lily, are one of the three core families of the show (S)

I watch Modern Family. What?! Yes, it's true. An award-winning, well-received (both critically and popularly) ensemble sitcom that includes two gay regular characters? Why on Earth would I want to watch that? Weird, I know. I'll give you a moment to recover from the surprise.

Alright? Okay, so moving on to the real point of this story. I was watching the third season finale, in which Claire and Phil's daughter Alex goes to the prom, when I was struck once again with disappointment by the writing of the show. Allow me to recreate my reaction to this scene.

Alex's (supposedly badass) date comes to the door and she's about to leave:

Phil: Wait wait wait! We want to meet  this Casanova!
Alex: Oh no, parents aren't really his scene...

Claire: Alex, open the door, we are going to get a picture.

Alex: Fine... (opens the door, revealing her date)

Date: You. Look. Flawless!

Alex, embarrassed: Thanks.

At this point, I laugh. "Turns out he's actually really sweet, and she's embarrassed! Ha."

Date: Did I not say coral was the colour for you? Look what it does for your skin!

Alex looks even more embarrassed.

"Oh dear... please don't tell me..."

Alex, to camera: Yes, my 'bad boy' prom date is gay. He just doesn't know it yet.

Cue groan from me loud enough to wake the neighbours.

After a couple of jokes with the 'gay' prom date, they leave for the aforementioned dance. I spent the rest of the episode waiting for another scene with the two of them. Maybe, I dunno, he tries to kiss her and she says "But I thought you were gay!" and he says "What? Why did you think that?" and then Alex realises she was making assumptions based on stereotypes and we all learn a valuable lesson. (Yes, of course I write my own deleted scenes in my head when I watch TV. You mean you don't?) Of course, I was being naive. I'd spent enough time watching American sitcoms, and this one in particular, that I should have realised this was too much to ask.

"But I thought Modern Family was supposed to be progressive," you say. "It's there in the name! It even features a gay couple! Why should you have such low expectations?" An excellent question, dear reader. Well, I could bring up the fact that the only two regular characters that are mothers are both stay-at-home moms who don't have jobs, but that might be another post for another blog. When it comes to the show's gay characters though, I'm pretty conflicted.

I'm certainly not going to complain that one of America's favourite television shows features a committed gay couple raising an adopted child together. Treating them as nothing but a normal, loving family can only be a good thing when it comes to LGB acceptance in the States. But it doesn't mean Modern Family is devoid of problems.

For all the show does to portray Cam and Mitchell (the two gay dads) in a positive light, it still relies very, very heavily on many gay stereotypes. Seriously, pretty much all the ones you can think of pop up in either Cam or Mitchell, or both. Stylish and fussy? Check. Sensitive and emotional? Check. Figure skating, brunch, Lady Gaga, musical theatre? Check, check, checkity check. Oh sure, Cam defies one stereotype by liking football, but this is really the exception rather than the rule. When it's brought up in the show, you can almost hear the writers patting themselves on the back. "See? We know how to look beyond stereotypes. The campy, theatrical gay guy LIKES SPORTS. Boom. What you just felt there? That was your mind expanding."

What? I don't see any differences between these two couples.

And for all the times we're assured that yes, these dudes are quite gay, we don't really see much homosexuality on screen. Yeah, they live together and are raising a kid, but they're not nearly as affectionate as the other couples in their family. In fact, there was quite a bit of fan backlash about it, leading to an episode explaining that Mitchell is uncomfortable with PDAs (public displays of affection).

Consider the following. There is an episode in which Phil and Claire's kids walk in on them having sex. And the audience actually catches a glimpse of them in bed naked together (appropriately covered by the sheets, of course. This is a family show, after all). How likely are we to see a similar scene with Mitch and Cam? Well, given the fact that we didn't even see them kiss until season 2, I'm gonna go with "not incredibly".

These two points - the reliance on stereotypes, and the lack of overt affection - are really two sides of the same coin. In the past, television (American and otherwise) has been... not super keen on depicting gay people. Well, arguably this had less to do with the people than certain 'activities' that go along with being gay. So in popular media, stereotypes were used to show that a character was gay without having to subject those poor vulnerable straight people to any possible indications of *gasp* homosexuality, including stuff as basic as kissing. Essentially, what it came down to was this: your characters can be gay, just don't make them homo.

In the current American TV landscape, this seems to have become quite a crutch that writers rely on when they need a gay character for a joke or plot line. Exposition on television needs to be quick, as time is limited. You could explain a character is gay by having them mention it, or express attraction to another character of the same sex, but that takes time. A quick and easy way is to rely on the shorthand of stereotypes. The voice, the gestures, the preoccupation with things like hair and fashion and celebrities... these are a much easier and faster way to get the same point across.

Not to mention, most straight writers (and viewers) are probably more comfortable with a joke about Barbra Streisand than any kind of reference to *gasp* gay sex.

But perpetuating stereotypes doesn't do anybody any favours (except perhaps hack writers). I've mentioned it before, and I'll mention it again: there are many, many types of gay people, so let's get a little variety in our representation, mkay? But it's not just us LGBers that suffer. With the prom date example above, writers are sending a pretty clear message: if you speak and act this certain way, you must be gay. This kind of thing not only makes less stereotypical gay people feel even less normal than they usually do, but it also makes less stereotypically straight people feel weird as well. "To all young males: if you talk with a lisp, or like artistic pursuits, or are in any way sensitive, you're sending out the message that you're gay. You're not, right? So go on, pretend you like sports, don't try out for the school musical, because otherwise people will assume incorrect things about you."

Stereotypes are a tool. Sometimes, writers use them to make a joke or point that doesn't necessarily reflect reality. But television shows form quite a large part of how we perceive the outside world, especially for impressionable youth. When something is portrayed as normal on a show, we start to think of it as the norm. So it's important to see one of America's most popular sitcoms depicting a regular family with two gay dads - really, it is, and I don't mean to take away from that. But when these guys aren't physically affectionate (in public or at home), or when they reinforce classic stereotypes about gay people, people continue to accept that as the norm as well. So please. For all the femme lesbian girls, the butch gay boys, the femme straight boys, and the butch straight girls - hell, for every human being everywhere - I say: you can do better, American TV. I know, I know, baby steps. Modern Family, and other shows, are slowly pushing some boundaries that need to be pushed. But some of the important boundaries are still being ignored. So get on that.