Why Gay Marriage is a Bad Idea: Part 1 - Bestiality

 No kids! It's not just in Hollywood anymore!
Well, it's not in Hollywood at all anymore... D'oh! (S)

Gay marriage; a fairly new invention. Starting in the Netherlands on April 1st 2001, it's quickly spreading across world. Currently, at the time of this post, same-sex couples can marry in 11 countries, as well as in Mexico City, Quintana Roo, and parts of the United States.

And all of this in just 11 years. In the most recent of events, France has it on the cards, Denmark just recently got it a few weeks ago, and Barack Obama was the first US President to show his support for it.

Unsurprisingly, the "Christian" bigots are panicking and becoming quite irrational as they can see they're losing the fight.

Here are some of their arguments swiftly put to bed...


Yeah, I know right? Putting silly arguments to bed? Is that even possible? New ones come out all the time. Through this post, I hope to educate these bigots in the most humanistic way possible. I'm going to go right to the sources they're talking about or evoking and I'm going to check to see if what they're saying is possible or true, or whether it's just a lot of old recycled wind. Amongst the most ridiculous are the following...

Bestiality

"Kiss me baby..." (S)

Of course! Buster Wilson (the guy in the video) is right! Once all people can marry, it won't be long before we'll be marrying animals! But animals can't talk, so 1) they won't be able to tell us if they want to marry a human, and 2) they won't be able to fight for their right to marry a human... but also because animals aren't the same as humans in the eyes of the Constitution, and any person with a brain and one or more eyes.

Luckily for our friend the cow, they have some nice people on their side who we call animal rights activists. They'll protect them with their best interests at heart. So, will animal rights activists fight for human-animal marriages? Let's ask some shall we? Why don't we ask, oh I don't know, how about that very radical group called the Animal Liberation Front (ALF)? Okay then.

I posted the following message on their forum, seeing as Buster was too scared to do so.

Hello everyone,

Let me start off by introducing myself seeing as I'm new here.

I'm a supporter of animal rights and I believe that it's important animals are treated with respect. I was brought up and have always lived around animals and I'm a real animal lover.

I also support gay rights, and one of the most common arguments against gay marriage is that "after we can all marry the same sex if we choose, next we'll all be able to marry animals".

I'd just like your views on this. Do you think that's just absurd or should we all, one day, get the chance to marry our pets? Why? / Why not?

Patrick
(Source)

I was, in fact, lucky enough to get a reply from the administrator of the whole Animal Liberation Front website and forums, Ann Berlin. She said:

The "Slippery Slope" argument is a logical fallacy.

Logical fallacies (list here) are not used by anyone smart unless they think their audience is dumb.

It is also a requirement of this forum (see guidelines here) that nobody use logical fallacies. They are a waste of everyone's time.

Ann Berlin
(Source)

Hear that bigots? A radical animal rights activist just slammed your human-animal marriage proposal! She even called you a "waste of time". Hi-five Ann!

But hey, was I done? Oh no I wasn't. Here are some other replies:

alfoldboy from The ALF forum said:

"Def something wrong with you" and called me "another liberal crank" in the title of his reply. (S)

Hey everyone! Buster Wilson is classified as a liberal now! I don't think he would like to be called that!

Wayne from the Southeastern US (Moderator on www.envirolink.org) said:

"I believe all consenting adults should have the right to marry whomever they choose, but not pets or inanimate objects because they cannot ever be classified as consenting adults."

EnviroLink got bored Buster. They sailed on by! (S)

This then touches on the other point raised in the video, polygamy or polyamory. To be quite honest, I'm neither for or against it, I'm kind of on the fence. I would personally never want a polygamous relationship and I think that from a legal standpoint there are a lot of difficulties. If you want to see what I mean, I encourage you to check out this court case. But in any case, that's far more realistic and rational than marrying your pets in the sense that were still talking about homo sapiens (click here for a laugh).

I also posted on EnviroLink.org's forums. They're less radical than the ALF but they also thought it was pretty silly and soon got bored of talking about it. The thread somehow mutated into a conversation about bottle art. Read the full thread here. It seems they weren't interested in Buster's animal-human marriage proposal!

Tired yet, Buster? Well I don't think this is the last we'll hear of you unfortunately. But I think you lost that fight as quickly as the EnviroLink activists lost interest. I mean, when women were given the right to vote, animals soon followed, right?

Soon to come, I'll be slamming more arguments against gay marriage.

This is not what I mean by "animal attraction" (S)