Sex is Not a Necessity for a Strong and Lasting Relationship

(x)

Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a lot of articles popping up around the internet about the benefits of sex. These articles mostly have titles along the lines of “Why You Should Have More Sex”, “X Number of Things You Didn’t Know About Why Sex Is Awesome For You”, etc. This is not a new concept. For years, psychologists, therapists, and relationship experts have been saying that sex life is a crucial part of a strong marriage (or any long term romantic relationship). In most cases, where the participants in the relationship are sexual, it’s probably true. But for me, and for other asexuals who are in long term romantic relationships (including marriages), seeing this message constantly drilled into society’s collective mind not only excludes us, but it undermines the validity of our relationships. If society is getting a resounding message that sex is required in order to maintain a strong and lasting relationship, then how can our relationships that may or may not include sex at all fit into that paradigm?

A Different Perspective: An Interview with my Husband

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Whenever I tell someone that I’m asexual, their first question is almost always some variant of, “how does your husband feel about that?” I’ve answered that question many times, to the best of my ability. But I think most people would rather hear it directly from the source. Since I started writing for this blog, I’ve asked the people I’ve shared it with if there are topics they’d be interested in seeing me write about. The most common suggestion I’ve gotten is to somehow share my husband’s perspective on the blog. I didn’t think having him write a guest post would work, since it’s already a collaborative blog, and that might just confuse people. So instead, I’ve decided to interview him and post it here, and hopefully this will answer those burning questions everyone seems to have! For privacy purposes, my husband will be referred to as “H” (for “husband”) during this interview.

My Trans Ex-Girlfriend

WARNING: SERIOUS FEELS AHEAD.
Please enjoy this picture before delving
into the FEELS

Just over a month ago, my first girlfriend dumped me. It seems like it's been half a year. I guess it was one sided, because I learned more about myself than she ever did. I ended up confronting a lot of big questions that you, ladies and gentlemen and variations thereof and none of the above, might profit from.

I can't tell you how we met or where. None of that is important anyway. I will tell you, even though it hopefully won't be important in the future, that she was MtF transgender. She had begun hormone therapy a few months before. Her face alone was already beginning to feminize so much that a daub of makeup and a dress would let her pass all but the most careful inspection. She was slowly coming out to her classmates and professors as female although she wasn't yet living as a woman full time.

There are those, reading this article, that will want to commend me, a lesbian, for dating a trans woman, for keeping an open mind. For these people, I have a quick remark:

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Two Lighthearted LGBT Film Recommendations

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Occasionally there comes a time when I just want to watch an LGBT film that doesn't ruthlessly tear out my heart and make me want to cry at the unfairness of the world – don't get me wrong, films like Pariah (which Patrick reviewed here) and Prayers For Bobby, to name just two, are fantastic, but sometimes I just want to watch a film that’s as gay as springtime just to see QUILTBAG characters being represented and not having to deal with so much homophobia and bigotry. Sometimes I just want QUILTBAG characters to catch a break. If you have a similar need for happy QUILTBAG-related films, then I have two films that might be just for you.

Long Distance Love - Beating the Odds

Tell your friends that you're in a long distance relationship, and they'll either ask you how cyber-sex works, or tell you it isn't going to last.

Tell your family, and they think it’s just some stupid phase/it's not real/you're just trying to get more time on the computer without having to leave your room.

Google "long distance relationships", and the first link to come up is an article titled "10 Reasons Why Long-Distance Relationships Just Don't Work."

And the truth? They do work- you just have to put in the effort.

Public Displays of Gay Affection

Eww! (S)

According to many studies, the vast majority of homophobic hate crimes are attacks on gay men.

It's not uncommon to hear of gay couples being beaten up in the street, even in some parts of the Western world, and also not uncommon to hear of a gay man being followed and then attacked when he's alone.

No matter where you live, these stories exist.

But should we, as gay men, refrain from expressing our love for our partner in public? Or should we express it as we wish?

The Solitude of Difference

I've been very frustrated lately. Frustrated about many things. There's the usual school work to load me down, work stresses that just come with being an adult, the expected panics any college student experiences when considering their bank balance. But the past few weeks I have been especially frustrated and lonely due to my asexuality. 

Anyone who is different - whether due to their sexual orientation, their gender, their appearance,  or what have you - can relate to the feelings of alienation. There is some horror in looking around the world, at your friends and family and neighbor, at the strangers on television or those people you vaguely know on facebook, and seeing others easily obtaining, and taking for granted, what you can only yearn for. It's like sitting silently as the world spins around you, things happening, goals being reached, happiness abound, all these things flying beyond you, and all you can do is watch as you are passed over.

Dating an Older Guy

Beneath the mask, he really was more beautiful.  (s)

I went to a club Halloween weekend. Heading out, it did not occur to me that that weekend was the one before Halloween, so I went, dressed in normal clothes. While taking a break from the throbbing mass of man flesh, I met another guy, dressed like me—collared shirt, slacks, belt. He had a sexy mask on. The first thing I said to him was: "I bet you look better without the mask." Not the most clever pickup line, but it started a conversation. I asked him his name, and he said “K.” "K," because his real name is too difficult to pronounce. He looked like he was 24, but it turned out he was 30. 30! He’s a professor of Math at a University 20 minutes away from my school. 

A Loving Relationship No Touching

(s)

Okay boys and girls and any other gender or non-gender you identify as, today we will learn about the l word!! Noooooo, not licorice! Love!

Okay, so I am sure all of you by this age has learned that there are different types of love. As in, you love your parents, but not the same way you love your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/companion. Same with friends, you can love a friend, even a friend of the same gender as you, but that doesn't make you gay, it's friendship love. So yes. Many different types of love.

This Is Why Your Relationships Suck

We need to talk. Come in, sit down, and prepare yourself. The kiddie gloves are coming off, and we're going to talk seriously about relationships. 

The universal truth is that relationships suck for everyone. Regardless of orientation, we can all agree that if you want to be with another person or persons you are going to have a bad time. If you want a sexual and romantic relationship, bad time; if you want a sexual non-romantic relationship, bad time; if you want a non-sexual romantic relationship, bad time; if you want a platonic relationship, bad time. 

It's just going to be a bad time. 

Asexual Liberation

There are many reactions to discovering your asexuality. Some people are absolutely horrified and view it as a sign that all hope for normality is gone. Some people are indifferent and continue to live in a celibate style; others are indifferent and have sex for one reason or another. And then some, like myself, are ecstatic to have a place to call home and a term to point to and say, "Yep, that's me!" 

Straight Friend Crush - The solutions

Dear God, 

Why the straight people? Seriously dude. They can cause so much trouble for us people who are attracted to the same-sex.

I'm writing this because recently I've been feeling really crap because of a straight crush I have had on a friend of mine for quite a few years now.

We've all been there, we've all felt attraction towards that one friend we know it could never possibly work out with, and we've all felt disappointed to say the least. It can hassle us for days, weeks, months or even years before we get over it.

What I Learned From Online Dating

I underestimated how complicated a person could be. (S)

It started with poetry, and ended with a phone call. In my longest blog post ever, I will share with you all a synthesis of one of my best and worst experiences in online dating. Before I start, I want to remind everyone of a few things. First, be careful. Second, after much thought, if you meet in person, meet in public and tell your friends if you will be gone, and how long. Third, and the main lesson I got from this experience: you don’t know someone until you get to know them in person.