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| (s) |
Okay, so I am sure all of you by this age has learned that there are different types of love. As in, you love your parents, but not the same way you love your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/companion. Same with friends, you can love a friend, even a friend of the same gender as you, but that doesn't make you gay, it's friendship love. So yes. Many different types of love.
Today kids, we're gonna be learning about a very specific type of love. It's a weird word so are you ready for it? It's: queer-platonic. Dun... dun... duuuuuun. Questions? Anyone? Oh yes, you in the back? Good question: what does queer-platonic mean? So let's use our English skills and take apart the words. Queer means different, odd, not the social norm. Platonic means (it has a lot of meanings so I'll narrow it down to the one that fits the context) a relationship with no sexual desires. If that sounds odd, think of a close friend of yours. Typically speaking, people do not have sexual relations with just friends, so the relationship is platonic. So what we have is different non-sexual relationship. Which frankly looks more weird than what we had in the first place. So let's explore this even deeper. Inception. DUUUUUUUUUUUUN. (Inception reference right there)
This was supposed to make sense by now..I am a crappy teacher. It will get confused even more. So. Let's imagine being in a relationship with someone. Got that? But no hand-holding or kissing or having sex. None of that. But still in a relationship. This may sound familiar for those of you who are familiar with aromantic-ness, but this is still a bit different. So you're in a relationship with no physical contact, but you're not mad with each other or antisocial, you get along better sans touching, and you love each other. The love is really important. Loving relationship no touching. And I know by this time, some of y'all are saying, “But Kal, isn't this just an aromantic relationship?” And I would say, “Very good, person who asked a question, but to actually get to queer-platonic, we have to go a step further.” And then everyone else will groan because I've probably made no sense up to this point.
Hang on, kids, we're going down the rabbit-hole.
So right now we have a loving relationship no touching, but that isn't quite queer-platonic. One more step. Let's take out relationship. So now we just have loving no touching. And we'll replace relationship with..friendship. A loving friendship no touching. And right about now you're saying, “But Kal, aren't all strong friendships loving and don't have sex?” and I'd say, “Yes, person who asked a question, but it's more than a friendship.”
That answer is a bit unsatisfactory and I apologize. So I'll give you an example and a piece of my research. So I have a friend. Her name is Cass. Cass and I met in kindergarten and we have been best friends ever since. I'm twenty now, so about sixteen years together. And after being friends with someone for so long, I always felt bad for saying, “This is my friend, Cass” because she's more than just a friend to me. We've been through think and thin, rich and poor, sick or health for better or for worse. Yes, the joke is that we are a married couple. And I openly say that I love Cass with all my heart. I do. And not just a cutesy love, a raw fiery passion you can find in romance novels. I simply love her the way I'd love a boyfriend or girlfriend. But I in no ways want to kiss her or hold hands or have sex. Ew. We are just in love with each other in the most classic sense, but don't like snogging. And after an accidental date or two, we found being each other's girlfriend would not end well. The date was painful and awkward. And just..no. That does not work. So I love her, but have no intention to date her. It's an odd concept. And maybe it's even hard to explain and maybe I just did a rant. But I hope to shed the light on a loving friendship no touching. Or queer-platonic relationships.
Today kids, we're gonna be learning about a very specific type of love. It's a weird word so are you ready for it? It's: queer-platonic. Dun... dun... duuuuuun. Questions? Anyone? Oh yes, you in the back? Good question: what does queer-platonic mean? So let's use our English skills and take apart the words. Queer means different, odd, not the social norm. Platonic means (it has a lot of meanings so I'll narrow it down to the one that fits the context) a relationship with no sexual desires. If that sounds odd, think of a close friend of yours. Typically speaking, people do not have sexual relations with just friends, so the relationship is platonic. So what we have is different non-sexual relationship. Which frankly looks more weird than what we had in the first place. So let's explore this even deeper. Inception. DUUUUUUUUUUUUN. (Inception reference right there)
This was supposed to make sense by now..I am a crappy teacher. It will get confused even more. So. Let's imagine being in a relationship with someone. Got that? But no hand-holding or kissing or having sex. None of that. But still in a relationship. This may sound familiar for those of you who are familiar with aromantic-ness, but this is still a bit different. So you're in a relationship with no physical contact, but you're not mad with each other or antisocial, you get along better sans touching, and you love each other. The love is really important. Loving relationship no touching. And I know by this time, some of y'all are saying, “But Kal, isn't this just an aromantic relationship?” And I would say, “Very good, person who asked a question, but to actually get to queer-platonic, we have to go a step further.” And then everyone else will groan because I've probably made no sense up to this point.
Hang on, kids, we're going down the rabbit-hole.
So right now we have a loving relationship no touching, but that isn't quite queer-platonic. One more step. Let's take out relationship. So now we just have loving no touching. And we'll replace relationship with..friendship. A loving friendship no touching. And right about now you're saying, “But Kal, aren't all strong friendships loving and don't have sex?” and I'd say, “Yes, person who asked a question, but it's more than a friendship.”
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| Cass on left, me on right |
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| Me on left, Cass on right |
That answer is a bit unsatisfactory and I apologize. So I'll give you an example and a piece of my research. So I have a friend. Her name is Cass. Cass and I met in kindergarten and we have been best friends ever since. I'm twenty now, so about sixteen years together. And after being friends with someone for so long, I always felt bad for saying, “This is my friend, Cass” because she's more than just a friend to me. We've been through think and thin, rich and poor, sick or health for better or for worse. Yes, the joke is that we are a married couple. And I openly say that I love Cass with all my heart. I do. And not just a cutesy love, a raw fiery passion you can find in romance novels. I simply love her the way I'd love a boyfriend or girlfriend. But I in no ways want to kiss her or hold hands or have sex. Ew. We are just in love with each other in the most classic sense, but don't like snogging. And after an accidental date or two, we found being each other's girlfriend would not end well. The date was painful and awkward. And just..no. That does not work. So I love her, but have no intention to date her. It's an odd concept. And maybe it's even hard to explain and maybe I just did a rant. But I hope to shed the light on a loving friendship no touching. Or queer-platonic relationships.
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