The Biggest Apocalypse We Have Ever Been Blamed For

The "Mayan Calendar", in all it's glory. [S]

Dudes and dudettes, we are mere days away from the end of the world as we know it. Those pesky Mayans forgot to get a new calendar for the new bak'tun, and just like us at New Years when we still haven't crawled into an overcrowded mall to pick up a new one, they have doomed the entire world to a certainly inevitable death.

And just like every other vaguely catastrophic event, I would like to take a moment to take full responsibility for this event. I am a queer. Only last week I had a big discussion with my partner about my upcoming visit, and I suppose the Mayan gods had foreseen that and scheduled in a little end-of-the-world to stop it from happening.

And I even have proof. Here's why: