In this blog I will tell two stories about wrong assumptions that have recently been made about me. Two people who are pretty close to me have made assumptions about me lately, the first one is highly offensive, the second one isn’t offensive but is still pretty dumb. In addition I will talk about wrong assumptions in general, because they represent a human trait, one the human traits I hate the most in the world: ignorance.
The first story first. As I explained in a previous blog, Kelly is a girl that I had a crush on a while ago. I explained that when she found out I was bi she didn’t like me anymore, which broke my heart. That was more than two months ago. My crush has since gone. It was only a couple of weeks ago that my friend Squeaky told me more about this subject. He had recently spoken to Kelly and she (oblivious to the fact that Squeaky would inform me of what she said about me) told him what was really going on.
As it turns out, she DID still like me, but she found the fact that I was bi so awkward, that she forbade herself to like me. She thought that, because I am bi, I most likely see her as a man.. Now tell me, what kind of sense does that make? This is very offensive to me. She doesn’t understand a thing about bisexuality, and yet she dares to make (completely and utterly wrong) assumptions.
So Kelly apparently assumes that when a bisexual guy likes a girl, he must view the girl as a masculine girl. Why else would he fall for her, right? If you make an assumption like this, you are wrong! It depends completely on the guy. I, for one, like feminine girls. Sure, there are guys who like masculine girls, but not all men are the same.
When I hear that something like this has been said about me, it hits me like a train. People, just trust me on this one: don't think you know someone better then they know themselves! Don’t make assumptions if you don't do research about the subject (in this case bisexuality), because if you don't, it hurts. It makes people feel misunderstood and powerless.
Now the second story. This story is about my friend Squeaky himself. I was talking with him about some random stuff when he said he wanted a bet with me. Just as a side note, my friends and I make bets all the time, the winner gets a “pink cake” (it’s basically our currency). We bet about all kinds of things, like "I bet you can't climb in that tree using only your arms", "I bet you won't jump in the water with your clothes on" or "I bet I can run faster than you". This bet was about me. He said: “I bet, in five years, you will be 100% gay”. Aside from the fact that in five years, we probably forgot about this bet, I accepted the bet, and then I asked my friend why he thought I would turn completely gay. He couldn’t really give a real explanation, but he was certain he was right. I think what it tumbles down to, is that he thinks bisexuality can’t exist, he thinks one MUST have a preference. Well, thanks to his ignorance I am pretty sure in five years, I will have myself another pink cake (if we didn't forget...).
I understand why my friend might think I am actually completely gay, since it is true that in many cases, guys who are gay come out as bisexual first.This is a very logical solution, this way they can make people get used to the idea before coming out as completely gay. Maybe they feel that people will have more respect for bisexuality than for homosexuality. In many cases this is true, because "there is still hope for bisexuals", this is completely unjustified of course. The phenomenon of coming out as bi first only to come out as gay later on is called "the bisexual bridge". There is nothing wrong with it, if I were gay, I might have done this too. But because this phenomenon happens quite often, some people have developed the assumption that bisexuality doesn't exist at all.
Those people seem to think that whenever someone claims to be bisexual, he or she is lying. They seem to think that bisexuality is just a made up thing to cover up homosexuality. Needless to say, those people are wrong. I understand why they think like that, but they do something wrong: they ASSUME without doing ANY research whatsoever. This is a prime example of ignorance.
There are many factors that make it easy to assume things like that. Some people for example, and this only applies to girls, PRETEND to be bisexual, just because "guys find it hot". I read a story a while ago about a girl who was bi who met another bi girl, when she finally found the courage to ask the other girl out, the other girl was shocked, and told her that she wasn't bi at all, she only pretended to be so the guys would find her interesting. She humiliated the first girl. It's things like these that make me angry. Not only is this an incredibly shitty thing to do to someone, it also makes it very easy for ignorant people to assume that bisexuality is just a made up thing.a made up thing.
It may seem harmless to make an assumption, but contrary to what you may believe, it hurts pretty bad when someone makes an assumption about you, especially when the other person can't be convinced that he is wrong. You should never forget that the other person has feelings too, and that maybe, he or she might know a little more about the subject than you, especially when discussing THEIR sexuality! Unless you have been in the same situation yourself, you have to right to make assumptions, that's my honest opinion.
Wrong assumptions are very common when talking about sexuality. Many guys for example, assume that because you are gay, you probably have the hots for him. Another example is that bisexual people will probably cheat more quickly. Bisexuality is often associated with polyamory (the, for lack of a better word, "ability" to fall in love with multiple people at a time). Another common misconception is that gay guys are per definition extremely feminine and that lesbians are per definition very masculine. It just doesn't work that way people, what you are saying is ignorant, not everyone is the same you know!?
As I said, ignorance is one of the human traits I absolutely despise. I hate it when someone doesn't take the time to do research about the subject. Seriously, how can you take yourself serious if you convince yourself of something you know NOTHING about? I am just trying to make a point here: do research, especially when the point you want to prove is offensive to others!
I am sure many of you have been in similar situations. I am sure many of you have seen people make wrong assumptions about you, because of your sexuality or because of anything else. If so, share your experiences in the comments, I'm interested in what you people have to say about this!
I understand why my friend might think I am actually completely gay, since it is true that in many cases, guys who are gay come out as bisexual first.This is a very logical solution, this way they can make people get used to the idea before coming out as completely gay. Maybe they feel that people will have more respect for bisexuality than for homosexuality. In many cases this is true, because "there is still hope for bisexuals", this is completely unjustified of course. The phenomenon of coming out as bi first only to come out as gay later on is called "the bisexual bridge". There is nothing wrong with it, if I were gay, I might have done this too. But because this phenomenon happens quite often, some people have developed the assumption that bisexuality doesn't exist at all.
Those people seem to think that whenever someone claims to be bisexual, he or she is lying. They seem to think that bisexuality is just a made up thing to cover up homosexuality. Needless to say, those people are wrong. I understand why they think like that, but they do something wrong: they ASSUME without doing ANY research whatsoever. This is a prime example of ignorance.
There are many factors that make it easy to assume things like that. Some people for example, and this only applies to girls, PRETEND to be bisexual, just because "guys find it hot". I read a story a while ago about a girl who was bi who met another bi girl, when she finally found the courage to ask the other girl out, the other girl was shocked, and told her that she wasn't bi at all, she only pretended to be so the guys would find her interesting. She humiliated the first girl. It's things like these that make me angry. Not only is this an incredibly shitty thing to do to someone, it also makes it very easy for ignorant people to assume that bisexuality is just a made up thing.a made up thing.
It may seem harmless to make an assumption, but contrary to what you may believe, it hurts pretty bad when someone makes an assumption about you, especially when the other person can't be convinced that he is wrong. You should never forget that the other person has feelings too, and that maybe, he or she might know a little more about the subject than you, especially when discussing THEIR sexuality! Unless you have been in the same situation yourself, you have to right to make assumptions, that's my honest opinion.
Wrong assumptions are very common when talking about sexuality. Many guys for example, assume that because you are gay, you probably have the hots for him. Another example is that bisexual people will probably cheat more quickly. Bisexuality is often associated with polyamory (the, for lack of a better word, "ability" to fall in love with multiple people at a time). Another common misconception is that gay guys are per definition extremely feminine and that lesbians are per definition very masculine. It just doesn't work that way people, what you are saying is ignorant, not everyone is the same you know!?
As I said, ignorance is one of the human traits I absolutely despise. I hate it when someone doesn't take the time to do research about the subject. Seriously, how can you take yourself serious if you convince yourself of something you know NOTHING about? I am just trying to make a point here: do research, especially when the point you want to prove is offensive to others!
I am sure many of you have been in similar situations. I am sure many of you have seen people make wrong assumptions about you, because of your sexuality or because of anything else. If so, share your experiences in the comments, I'm interested in what you people have to say about this!
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