What's the Spanish Word for "Progress"?

TAKE US BACK. PLEASE, JUST TAKE US BACK!

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereof, and none of the above, I am about to commit high treason. No, not to the United States government, but to the former Republic of Texas. As some of you may know, like the other states, Texas has its own flag. However, Texas also has a state pledge recited every school day (as only Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana do), can fly its flag at the same level as the American flag (and higher on Texas Independence Day) and has a very grandiose anthem that refers to the twenty-eighth state in the Union as "empire wide and glorious" and "largest and grandest" of all the states. Texas pride is a big, big deal, so it is with much caution that I announce to the world that a) contrary to the state anthem, Alaska is, in fact, bigger than Texas, and b) I'm really beginning to wish we were still a part of Mexico. For gay marriages performed in Mexico City are required to be recognized throughout Mexico, with all the benefits entailed. 

That's right, everyone! Gay spouses in Mexico, no matter where in Mexico they are, enjoy the same inheritance rights, social security benefits, and alimony considerations as their heterosexual counterparts. And the constitutionality of adoptions by gay parents was upheld days later.

Doesn't that gall you, my American readers? Here you were thanking your lucky stars you were born in a country that  recognizes gay marriage only in certain states. It could be worse, you say. You could be in Cameroon or Iran or somewhere that gays really have it hard. Thank heaven I'm American! And then the country that the media portrays as a pit of poverty and drug violence one-ups us in gay rights!

Shows what they know.

Oh! A hit right in the American exceptionalism! It's also worth noting that Mexico has a deep and abiding Catholic tradition that's lasted a good 530 years. According to Wikipedia, a whopping eighty-six percent of Mexicans are Catholic. The fact that a country steeped in such a virulently homophobic and conservative religion has managed to take  a step forward that a so-called "secular" country hasn't is a testimony to...something, anyway. Really, I have no idea how this happened and like most gay marriage advocates here, I'd love to know. Of course, this decision has not been without its push-back, but while archbishops and other important men in dresses have come out denouncing Mexico's entrance into the twenty-first century, other national figures have shown a lot more sanity. Take this insightful quote from a Mexico Supreme Justice:

“What’s going to happen to a same-sex couple” who marry in Mexico City “when they cross the border” to another state, asked Justice Arturo Zaldívar, who voted with the majority, during Tuesday’s discussions. “Does this marriage disappear? They go on vacation and they’re no longer married?”

Good one, Justice Zaldivar! That's an excellent HOLD ON. Oh, the gloves are off now. That was a jab at us, wasn't it? Thanks to the best Republican president the country has had since Lincoln, the ludicrous situation that Zaldivar described is exactly the situation that gay couples that move from American state to state find themselves in. The Defense of Marriage Act is basically the anti-Mexican marriage ruling, specifically permitting the Texas government to not recognize a  California or New York marriage if Texas lawmakers think it makes Baby Jesus cry.

Then again, speaking from experience, if you're moving FROM California TO Texas, you're doing it wrong. (S)

The "Defense" of Marriage Act goes even further then that. Not only does it not require that states recognize all marriages performed in other states, it specifically defines marriage as between one man and one woman for federal purposes. What does this mean for your average queer schmuck? Let's say you're a government worker in New York, where gay marriage is legal. You are happily married to your wonderful, darling, eternally damned same sex spouse. You don't have to worry about your healthcare; the federal government foots the bill. But then your spouse gets sick. Thanks to the protective influence of DOMA on American society, your spouse is not covered under your healthcare plan. Should something happen to you, your spouse cannot collect on your Social Security benefits to keep him/herself out of poverty. Added to all this, your household is drop-kicked in the wallet come April 15, for you cannot file joint tax returns. The added financial strain to gay households eventually plunges us all into crippling poverty and fifty years later the once-prosperous gayborhoods of America are now seedy, crime-ridden ghettos marked with starvation and despair. Gang violence is on the rise, and looking sharp in their military-style uniforms. Gang leaders, neighborhood warlords, and minor government lackeys can have their fleeting allegiances bought with glitter and k.d. lang albums. Straight families will attempt to scare their gay children straight by leading them through the dilapidated remains of the Castro, Provincetown, and Oak Lawn. Desperate attempts to avoid utter ruin leads to a new wave of illegal immigration to Mexico. Queer people are shot and killed by the dozens crossing the Mexican-American border and the Mexican legislature toys with making Spanish the official language of Mexico. All thanks to DOMA. So thanks!

Seriously, I am thrilled for the LGBT community in Mexico and congratulate them on their success. This could turn out well for us queer Southerners, too. Perhaps some of that tolerance will filter through the border states somehow and civilize the fossils in state legislatures. I would also like to caution the Mexican LGBT community to watch for a strong pushback by conservatives led by the Catholic Church. They don't give up easily. But for right now, it is perhaps prudent to sit back and enjoy the smell of victory.

Oh, and if a certain candidate who is famously, hilariously unpopular with Latino voters wins this election cycle, make some room for me down in Mexico City. ¡Gracias!