When in Doubt, Reach Out

(x)

In the wake of Robin Williams’ passing last week, I’ve seen and heard a lot of discussion about mental health, depression, awareness, and the importance of getting help.

Mental health issues have always been of particular interest to me, both because I was a psychology major, and more importantly, because of my own personal experiences.

There has always been a lot of stigma associated with mental illness, and it is something that is not talked about nearly as much as it needs to be.

Sex is Not a Necessity for a Strong and Lasting Relationship

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Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a lot of articles popping up around the internet about the benefits of sex. These articles mostly have titles along the lines of “Why You Should Have More Sex”, “X Number of Things You Didn’t Know About Why Sex Is Awesome For You”, etc. This is not a new concept. For years, psychologists, therapists, and relationship experts have been saying that sex life is a crucial part of a strong marriage (or any long term romantic relationship). In most cases, where the participants in the relationship are sexual, it’s probably true. But for me, and for other asexuals who are in long term romantic relationships (including marriages), seeing this message constantly drilled into society’s collective mind not only excludes us, but it undermines the validity of our relationships. If society is getting a resounding message that sex is required in order to maintain a strong and lasting relationship, then how can our relationships that may or may not include sex at all fit into that paradigm?

Now For Something Different: Gender Nonconformity

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the car with my husband, on our way to run an errand. He was listening to NPR, as he often does in the car, and a story happened to come on that caught my attention. It was an interview about transgender issues with the editors of a new book, “Trans Bodies, Trans Selves”, which is a collection of stories by and for transgender people about their experiences as transgender people in today’s world. Two of the three people being interviewed were transgender, one male to female, the other female to male. I was captivated and fascinated by the stories they shared on the air, and some of the things they brought up made me look at my own gender experience in a different light. I should clarify before I go on that I am not transgender, nor do I claim to be any kind of expert on the transgender experience or trans issues. I have known several transgender people in various capacities in my life, and that’s pretty much the extent of my knowledge on the subject. So what I have to say here is simply my reactions to the stories I heard these people telling, and maybe a lesson for all of us (myself included) about being open and able to learn about ourselves from sources we wouldn’t normally expect or even consider.

Beyond Marriage Equality

In 1920, the United States passed the 20th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote. This was a huge victory for feminism and what was the precursor to the social justice community. Since then, it has been a popular thought that “female oppression is over” and that feminism no longer serves a cohesive purpose. This, of course, is untrue - there are many modern day examples of a societal double standard between men and women. However, this idea that women now are not oppressed persists, and the Amendment is often used as evidence.

World Health Organization : "Gays, Bis and Trans Should Take Medicine"

The latest spurt in controversial comments on men who have sex with men (MSM) came about on Friday, published by no other than the World Health Organization. Unsurprisingly, this sparked outrage in the LGBT world, and grabbed the attention of papers around the planet.

The WHO told all MSM they should take antiretroviral medicine for the rest of their sexually active lives in a news release on their website last Friday.

The Asexuals Project by Laia Abril

Image from http://asexualsproject.com/

Recently, I was surfing the internet for asexuality-related things, and I came across something really cool that I want to share with everyone. I’ve always been drawn to people’s stories. Everyone has a story, and it greatly intrigues me that we as humans can be so similar, and yet have such different experiences in life. Hearing people’s stories in their own words, from their own mouths (or hands, in some cases), is one of the most important things I believe we can do to form stronger connections among all of humanity. So when I stumbled upon the Asexuals Project, it immediately piqued my interest. And once I watched it, I knew I needed to share it, because it’s such a personal depiction of what asexuality really is.

Soo... you're bi?

You’re among a group of people you don’t know very well, when the topic of sexuality comes up. You mention offhand that you’re pansexual, and, predictably, you hear the inevitable comment. “Isn’t that the same thing as bisexual?”

We’ve all heard it, no matter our sexuality - the implication that pansexuality is just another form of bisexuality, or is the same thing as bisexuality, or some other variant on the same underlying idea - pan people don’t exist. Occasionally, the tone is less innocent, and the idea more hostile - that those identifying as pansexual are merely seeking attention from others who will give it to them based on a "more oppressed" identity.

Nostalgic Contemplation on Asexuality and Family

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Anyone who’s read any of my previous posts likely knows that I am asexual, and that I desperately want to be a mom. You probably also know that I have been trying to get pregnant via alternative means for a while now. I have experienced a lot of emotional highs and lows during this process, and the past couple of weekends have presented me with the return of one of my most basic emotional struggles in this situation: feeling like everyone else moves forward and I am stagnating. More than that, it’s become a more personal and cross-generational feeling. I know that I am my own person and that I shouldn’t compare myself or my life to others, but it’s very hard for me to avoid doing that, especially within my own family.

Religion, Culture, and Asexuality

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I have never considered myself to be a religious person. I am Jewish, but I identify with it much more as a culture than as a religion.

Growing up, my family was never very involved in Jewish life. I went to Hebrew School starting in second grade and continued only through my Bat Mitzvah. We only went to services on High Holidays, except when further attendance was required for Hebrew School.

In my adult life, I have only gone to services on High Holidays, and all of the holiday celebrations that we observe are generally more cultural than religious. My husband’s family was much more involved in Jewish life, to the point where his mom was actually the president of their synagogue for a time. They attended Shabbat services every Friday night, and also participated in religious aspects of a few other holidays in addition to the High Holidays. So naturally, my husband seeks out involvement in Jewish life now much more than I do.

French Court Rules On Infamous Gay Hate Crime Case

"Violence, cowardliness, and hate of difference all condemned by the court today" Wilfred de Bruijn wrote on Twitter this afternoon as Paris's Criminal Court announced their sentence to the four young men who beat Wilfred and his companion Olivier Couderc on their way home one cold April night last year.

The case soon became infamous when this photograph went viral on social networks, and media around the world published articles about the shocking story.

"QUILTBAG" and "Ally" are NOT Mutually Exclusive Identities!

(via George Takei's facebook page)

Happy June, everyone! June is (at least here in the U.S.) LGBT Pride Month, and as a result, I’ve noticed the image at the beginning of this post resurfacing a lot on various social media websites. As in previous years when it’s come to my attention, while I love the fact that there are so many allies out there who are being boldly vocal and posting this image as a reflection of themselves on the internet, there is something about the wording of the image that has always bothered me. Even before I fully self-identified as asexual, I always wanted to post this image in support of my LGBT friends, but felt that I couldn’t, because it would be a lie to claim that “I am not gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, intersex, or asexual.” I want to be an ally to my friends and family, but I don’t want to misrepresent my own identity in doing so. This begs the question, which has been on my mind a lot lately: Do you have to be straight to be an ally? And if so, why? Why should the fact that I am asexual mean that I can’t be an ally to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc. communities, and vice versa?

Here's What French Highschool Students Did When Anti-Gay Protesters Picketed Their "Skirt Day"

A student stands on a wall in a skirt to mock anti-equality
protesters opposite. AFP (S)

Lets stop the stupid jokes about the French "being gay", and stand up and applaud this just a minute.

"Skirt Day" is held in France every 16th May after the film by the same name. It's an opportunity for many students to denounce sexism in school, at the workplace, and sexism in general. However, needless to say, the idea of men in skirts didn't please the 'Manif Pour Tous' too much; one of the leading French anti-LGBT equality groups, or Le Figaro, the right-wing paper.

A Different Look at Mothers Day

(S)

In honor of Mothers Day, I want to take a look back and also a look ahead. Last year, I wrote a blog post in one of my personal blogs (also anonymous because it was meant to be a place for me to explore my journey to self-acceptance regarding my asexuality) about how my experience of Mothers Day had changed since I had recently begun to self-identify as asexual. I thought it would be very relevant to my mission in writing for FRW, so I’ve decided to repost the content here along with some additional comments one year later. Here is what I wrote one year ago:

Workplace Awkwardness

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Since I’m really tired tonight, and therefore having trouble coming up with a more serious topic, I’ve decided to regale you all with a tale of workplace awkwardness. For context: I work in a department of six people (myself included). Two of them are the manager and the supervisor, the other three hold the same position as me. The four of us get along pretty well, and we chat a lot among ourselves during the work day. One of my colleagues is in his late 30s and has a 3-year-old daughter. Another is in her 50s and has a daughter who’s my age and married with three kids. Those two have a constant friendly banter back and forth about all sorts of things, one of which is that he doesn’t want any more kids, and she keeps telling him he’s going to have another one. He usually tries to deflect this onto my supervisor, who just turned 40 (though she looks and acts much younger!) and is married but has no kids yet, but last week, I somehow got dragged into it. To make this easier, I’ll call him MC (male colleague) and her FC (female colleague).

Apparently, Headbands Are Gay

It's the age-old question in the LGBT community. Nature? Or nurture? Are we born gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans? Or is it something we pick up as we go along our everyday lives?

Some LGBT people think being gay has something to do with the background you were brought up in, which parent you were closer to, and more distanced from. Others, like myself, believe it's not something that can be influenced by upbringing, and that we're simply born gay.

I believe that it's important for a child to express their true identity, play with the toys they want to play with, and dress the way they want to dress, even if it's not considered "normal" of their sex.

Today, whilst at work at the daycare center, I got very annoyed.

Pre-determining Sexual Orientation: A Hypothetical

Image Source: geneticology.com

Tonight’s topic comes via suggestion from a good friend of mine. He actually sent me two topic ideas, and at first I was going to write about the other one, but on further thought, I realized that this one is actually the easier of the two for me to write definitively about. I do want to include a little disclaimer here: my friend is a very open-minded and accepting person who has been nothing but supportive of me in my journey. The non-inclusive wording of his question is simply due to his typing it on a phone, and the typing/character limitations that come with that. He assured me that he meant it in more inclusive terms, so I will expound upon his question to include all possibilities.

So here is his question:

EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With Singer-Songwriter Ray Isaac - "Who I Am"

If you’ve been to London Pride, some of the after parties, or if you’re just a general gay-party-goer, the chances are you’ve probably been in the presence of Ray Isaac, singer, songwriter and DJ. But after seeing Ray do all of these things in one concert and seen the crowd go wild, I've come to the conclusion that Ray is so much more, he’s a performer.

Recently promoted as a VEVO artist on YouTube, having been invited to mix with Laurent Wolf late last year, and with concerts coming up all the time, Ray is going from strength to strength and is certainly, without a doubt, an artist to look out for in the near future, not just in London but around the world.

Ray stands by his belief that no matter what, we have to be proud of who we are and know that happiness only manifests itself when we truly love and accept who we are from deep within, and this is why I've taken my chance to share his story with you so you can discover his upcoming album and new music video for “Who I Am” (see below).

Everyone, Stop Boycotting Mozilla!

I don't know how many times I've read of people
who've uninstalled this

STOP! Argh!

Sorry. I've just been really annoyed about this whole Mozilla CEO situation recently. Ever since Brendan Eich was chosen as CEO there's been this giant sh*tstorm around Mozilla for (in my opinion) nothing.

I'm gay, I'm as activist as they come, I founded this LGBT blog, and I'm STILL using Firefox. This site was even built using Firefox! "Shock!" "Horror!" No. I've been trying to avoid writing this post for over a week now, but earlier on today I found that now the anti-gay camp is boycotting Mozilla because they fired Eich from his position.

I'm really not amused by any of this. I've used Firefox from day one. Why? Because I don't want to feed all of my browsing history to data-hungry Google. Gmail scans your emails to give you "personalized" adverts (as if you care). And I don't support that.

Proudly Presenting: Freedom Requires Wings Video

The logo contains all colours of the rainbow flag

Hello there,

Just a quick post about something new on here. It's not often we publish posts about Freedom Requires Wings itself. In fact, this will be the first one.

For some time now, the video page on this site has been down for maintenance. We have been working hard to bring you the best video experience possible, because we know the importance of video in the LGBT community and beyond.

When I was questioning my sexual orientation and coming to accept it, YouTube was (as it is for many young LGBT teens) a great resource in helping me understand what it really meant to be gay, and in offering me great advice in coming out.

Like many questioning teens, I think I watched nearly every coming out story out there, and these YouTube videos inspired me to start this blog in June 2011. So what's in the new design?

Finding Hope in a TV Show

An equal marriage themed episode of Rev gave me hope this week. (x)

I am sure it will be breaking news to very few of you that on 29th March, the UK finally achieved marriage equality. The first same-sex weddings took place at midnight, the news was filled with adorable pictures of same-sex couples, conservatives were suitably outraged, etc. It was an excellent day.

Of course, equal marriage in the UK has a number of restrictions and rules, including the fact that it is illegal for same-sex weddings to be conducted by the Church of England. 

 

As a Christian, one who is in a relationship with another woman, and who would very much like to get married one day, this is the rule which hit me hardest of all. A year ago, the legal barrier was one which I couldn’t begin to see or imagine the other side of, but over the last few weeks, things have happened to give me hope.