It all started Friday night. I was spending the evening hanging out with my husband’s aunt for our monthly “girls’ night” while my husband was off playing poker. We went to dinner, then back to her house to watch tv and chat. I spent the entire time debating whether I was ready to share the blog with her. My husband always told me that she was a major source of support for him during some tough times in his life, and since she lives nearby, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the years. So she’s an adult (yes, I still think of my parents’ generation as “adults”, even though I’m an adult now, too!) who I generally feel fairly comfortable talking to. I also felt that she’d be a good person to talk to because, being a lesbian herself, I figured she could offer a different perspective than say, my parents could. And finally, I really wanted to get her thoughts on whether/how/when I should come out to my mother-in-law, since they’ve always had a close relationship. So after several hours of chatting, I finally worked up the nerve to mention to her that I wanted to share something with her. I showed her the blog and directed her to my first post. Then I just let her read it. I was so nervous that my legs didn’t stop shaking for about an hour! When she finished reading, there was a long moment of silence. Then she said that it seems like I’ve been on quite a journey, and the conversation just took off from there. She offered me a lot of support and advice, and even shared some of her own story with me. We stayed up way too late talking, but as far as I was concerned, we could have kept talking all night! It was a real bonding moment, and I will never forget it for the rest of my life.
On Saturday, I finally decided to watch this video that had been making the rounds all over my various social media feeds. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it! But basically, the message I took from it was that the stress that comes from hiding in the closet is ultimately more harmful than whatever the repercussions of coming out may be. I took that to heart, and after months of debating, decided to finally come out to my mother-in-law. I sent her a message, saying that I wanted to share something with her, but that I was nervous about how she might respond. I explained that I’ve been writing for a blog that I thought she would very much appreciate, but that I talked a lot in my posts about aspects of myself that aren’t public knowledge, and that I was pretty sure she wasn’t aware of. She told me she’d love to read it, and that I should go ahead and send her the link. So that’s what I did. I didn’t get a response until this (Sunday) morning, and I actually was so nervous that I didn’t sleep very well last night. But when I woke up and checked, I had a message waiting from her. She said that she had read all of my posts, and she reassured me that she still loves me, which was all I really wanted to hear. She was, as I had worried, a little concerned about how my asexuality was affecting my husband, but she said she trusted me when I told her that he’s fine with it. And overall, her message was one of support, love, and acceptance.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have had such a positive initial coming out experience with the older generation. I know that many people have a much rockier time of it, and I am so grateful to have such wonderful, supportive, accepting role models in my life. I still haven’t come out to my own parents, but I think I’m getting closer to being ready for that. Maybe by next week’s post, even! For now, though, I’m feeling very relieved that at least these two people now know, and I don’t have to feel guilty about hiding myself from them anymore. It’s very freeing to know that I can just be myself now, and not have to worry so much about censoring what I say so nothing accidentally slips out! I’m also feeling proud of myself for taking the risk, putting myself out there, and finding the courage to be myself. And most of all, I feel very content with how things are right now. It’s just like that Dr. Seuss quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” This weekend, I’ve gotten confirmation that the people who matter in my life really don’t mind who I am, and I feel that this will make my relationships with these people closer and stronger than ever. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that!
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