That's So Gay

(s)

That's so gay. A little story about the first and last time I used that phrase.















Years and years ago back before I swore like a trucker, my mum was going to..Mexico or Cuba..or Dominican..I forget. Some tropical place down south and last minute Air Canada decided to go on a strike so the trip was cancelled. She had her bags packed and everything. I didn't want her to go, but I still felt a bit of disappointment.

“How can they cancel a trip after you've paid for it? They can't do that! How can they do that? That's..like..that's so gay, y'know? They can't just cancel something like that.” was my articulate response. Quite the poet, huh, past self.

I wasn't allowed to swear and far too afraid to swear in front of my parents so I used the next best thing, I called it gay. My classmates said that. “We have a test today? That's so gay!” “Recess indoors? That's so gay!” So I picked up that phrasing and idea that gay meant bad. At the time, I knew what gay was to an extent. It was a hard concept, but I knew it as two men that were together the same way my parents were together. There was a gay couple down the street, though they weren't a legitimate couple in my mind since they had no children and didn't plan on any. At the time I thought you were only a real family if you had kids or intended on kids, otherwise it's not all that real. I digress.

The fact was, I said something was negative and implied it was gay.

My dad did not take any of that. At all.

“What do you mean it's gay? How can it be gay? Are you trying to say something that is gay is bad or wrong? Why don't you call up your cousin and tell him that- he's been living with his husband for the past ten years. That is not something you can say and something you will not say again.” My dad didn't yell..though anything above a whisper is a yell to me. But he was firm about it. But after he said it, he lightened up and didn't hold a grudge against me. That has stayed with me all of those years.

At the time I didn't know any gay people personally..save from the couple down the street. They were nice to me, but more friends with my parents than with me so I didn't pay a lot of attention to them. But hearing that my cousin was gay shook things up. It's so easy to say “that's so gay” when you don't really know any gay people. Yeah, it's offensive, but you're not offending anyone near you so that's okay. But the tables had turned. My cousin..though I hadn't at the time met him was gay. Someone who was in my family, directly related to me, able to be traced on a family tree, sharer of my DNA was gay. Truth be told, I felt terrible. That I used gay as a put-down..not that he was gay.

I later got the courage to ask my dad about said cousin years later- I hadn't forgotten. I grew up knowing I was different from other girls around me. I was a late developer, people thought. Turns out I was asexual and developing just right. But the idea that I myself might be gay crossed my mind. So I asked my dad about my cousin.

Is my cousin gay?

Yes he is.

Does he..is he..does he have a..boyfriend?

No, I think he's married.

So a boyfriend.

I think you refer to him as his partner or husband.

Oh. Are you okay with that?

It doesn't matter to me, he's a nice guy, tracing our family tree and everything, he's fun to be around, you'd like him.

I think that was my indirect way of asking my dad if it would be okay if I were gay too. Which he was okay with. I came out as gay before asexual. I thought if I accepted I was different and announced it I'd suddenly fit. That didn't work out but he accepted me nonetheless as an asexual.

As for my cousin, I had met him- twice at Christmas parties with my family. I like him. My family has a lot of old people in it and while my cousin is old..I think he's old he's still second youngest. I still find him engaging to speak to and easy to talk with. That's saying a lot coming from an introvert. And I think he gives me comfort that my conservative family accepts him. And they still invite him over for Christmas dinner and include him and care about him. It makes me more comfortable with the idea of coming out to that part of my family. Though for now, I'm not going to- my sexual orientation isn't important with that side of the family. They've never shown any interest in it and they keep my private life private. While I don't feel the need to come out, it's nice to know I would be accepted with my cousin.