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| Jamey Rodemeyer was bullied to death and his bullies chanted about how happy they were in front of his sister. (S) |
The It Gets Better project was created by Dan Savage back in 2008 to give suicidal teens hope for a better future; to let them know that the way they're feeling now will go away eventually.
And yet, the message of hope is not enough to prevent some from taking their own lives. Again, you don't have to look further than these places to find a teenager asking "when does it get better?" And you don't have to be a scientist with your nose in statistics to know that it's a problem.
The "It Gets Better" campaign is a little controversial in the LGBT community. Some people say that it's not true and that bullies will be there for the rest of your life (in school or at work), others say it's not enough, and others (like me) think that the name of the campaign shouldn't be "It Gets Better", but "Make It Better". All of these points of view are both right and wrong to a certain degree, but no-one can deny that there is a gay suicide epidemic going on in countries all around the world. Yes people, this is not an "only in America" problem, and a solution needs to be found, it's true. But we have to work with the government on that, we have to educate the homophobes, we have to attack the weed at its root - which is prejudice. But until then, the "It Gets Better" project is some of the best hope we have. If we can't reach into schools then we need to reach out to the people in need of support.
Two thirds of gay men report having considered suicide. We know this, the figure is shocking. But did you know that according to a survey conducted on 725 American and Canadian women by OkCupid in 2009, over three quarters of lesbians have considered the same thing? We see from the same study that the average suicide contemplation figures for LGBT people as a whole, stand at 68%. It's a rather uncomfortable thought.
The percentage of those people who actually reach out for support is unknown and the best we can do is be there for anyone who is in that situation. If we're on the ground then we need to take action. Even if you're not a student in school who's able to stand up for a bullied teen, write a letter to your local school, government representative, or even the President or Prime Minister asking them what they plan to do to reduce the suicide rates amongst LGBT teenagers in your country. You may be pleasantly surprised by your reply (if you get one), and if you're not, the worst that could happen is that you may at least teach them something or draw their attention to it.
So when does "It Get Better" for us? What can I say to the 14 or 15 year old queer teen sitting in their bedroom crying and shaking in front of the computer? It's something everybody else is going to tell you - when you leave high school. I wish there was a way to magically take the pain away, but I'm afraid there isn't. If it's really so bad to that point, and home-schooling isn't an option, then you have got to stick it out, but trust me it will be worth it. In any case, it can only get better. Don't become a statistic. I don't know a single person - not one of my friends, family, or schoolmates - that actually enjoyed middle school and/or high school, gay or straight! A lot of people move out of middle school, look back and think "ugh, high school is so much better". But for others it can get worse. However, high school isn't that long. For those few years you're going to be there, do your best to hold on in there, hold your head high, don't let those bullies get to you as hard as it may be, and just think of the clusterfuck of awesomeness and relief that awaits you when you get to the end. Graduation. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, you've just got to keep on driving. It's the paper certificate that puts the lid on the bullying. Funny to think how something so delicate can stop something so monstrous, isn't it?
Outside of school, there's still homophobia, but there aren't enough thick-heads in the real world to bother you as often as bullies would in high school.
In the meantime, don't hesitate to reach out for support. As Adam Lambert said "there are a tonne of us out there" and every single one of us knows how it feels to be bullied or rejected because of our sexual orientation. Every single one of us would want someone to be there for us if we were in your situation. So we're all ears.
If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts or you just need someone to talk to, check out our page of international suicide support helplines or contact our on-blog counsellor directly.
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