You get a gold star!

I was just told that there is such a thing as a “gold star” homosexual – that is, someone who has only slept with members of the same gender. A “silver star” homosexual is, apparently, someone who has slept with a member of the opposite gender once, and then “realized they are gay”.

Anybody else not amused at this? Not only does it outright state that some people are somehow better at others at their orientation - but it also completely invalidates bisexuality and pansexuality. Because, apparently, if you sleep with members of both genders then you are not worthy of a gold star – the childish symbol of achievement that you were awarded when five if you spelt a word right.

Not only is there a hierarchy within the LGB, there is a hierarchy within the asexual community. You are somehow a better asexual if you never have sex at all. Ever. The worst asexuals, by proxy, must be the ones that compromise for their partners, enjoy sex, or even (and it has happened) work in the sex industry. The idea that they are better at being asexual than anyone else is, of course, rubbish. They are no better at their sexuality than anyone else – asexuality is defined as “not feeling any sexual attraction”, and anyone that identifies as asexual must be equal with any other asexual.

Feeling sexual attraction, or not feeling sexual attraction, or being attracted to women, or being attracted to men, or being attracted to neither, or being attracted to both or being fluid with your sexuality doesn’t make you any less of a person. The only thing that makes you less of a person would be promoting hate or attacking someone.

And maybe using “gay” in random conversation.

Now, I really have to be frank here, I hate it when people use that word flippantly. Gay is not a flippant word. It’s not light-hearted, it doesn’t have any particular stigma attached to it (unless you use it outside the context of homosexuality), but if you use it in random conversation without thinking then you are destroying the significance of the history behind it. It works in the same way as casual kitchen jokes, or “make me a sandwich” jokes almost instantly erase the significance of the suffragette movement.

Gay is not a word that replaces stupid. Gay is not a word you throw into conversation at random. Gay is most definitely not a word that you post onto Twitter because you are too blindingly stupid to think of something you could post instead. Someone who is gay is someone who likes people of the same gender. Everyone who falls into the QUILTBAG spectrum, regardless of whether they have actually experienced bigotry, are part of a group that has a history of being discriminated against.

No, people who haven’t been attacked for their sexuality are not “fail gays”, as a person I quickly decided that I didn’t need to speak to again said to me. If you’re wondering, yes, they did actually tell me that I had no right to associate myself with the LGBT, because I had not been assaulted for it. Apparently, people who attack other people “can tell what a real gay is”. So they attack them.

Is anyone else feeling blinding rage, right now?

This whole idea irritates me so much – the “gold star gay” idea force stereotypes onto people. It forces people into boxes, and anything outside of these boxes is somehow not as good as what is inside.

In reality, there are no boxes. The only boxes you experience are the ones in your mind. I don't deserve a gold star, by this criteria. Do I care? Not as such, no. Forget the stars, and sleep with (or don’t sleep with) who you’re attracted to and identify as you want to. Because, ultimately, if you are human and if you don’t hurt people, then you deserve a gold star.