No more no homo

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“I love you dude. No homo.”

It’s a phrase which is being seen and heard more and more these days. No homo. This qualifier that means affection can be expressed between two people (most usually men. Especially young men) and is there to make sure that “phew. No one will think I’m gay now.” I’ve seen it when people are talking to each other, when they’re telling celebrities they love them and look up to them, when people are hugging; the list goes on. No homo. I love you, but not like that. Don’t worry, I’m not gay or anything.

 

 

 

The first time I saw this phrase I was, I must admit, a little bit offended. As I’m sure most of us have noticed, no homo does imply that being gay is a bad thing, shameful even. God forbid someone think you’re gay. Nothing worse could possibly happen. It is absolutely imperative to ensure that everyone in the world is perfectly clear on the fact that you aren’t gay. Only then can you dare to tell another person that you hold any sort of emotional feeling towards them.

I don’t pretend to understand why people are so afraid of people thinking they’re gay. When I was younger I always wanted to go to pride but I was worried someone might think I wasn’t straight. I can’t really remember why. For me it was pretty irrational. I think it’s just one of those things that when you’re young you don’t want to be different. Gay is different, so it’s something to be rejected, and because of that people are afraid of being identified as such (which is problematic in itself) and exposed to the ridicule and harassment that might come from it.

However the more I’ve seen no homo thrown around; the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realised that yes, it’s kind of offensive, but it’s also really very sad. It’s sad that a generation of people have grown up feeling like they can’t freely express platonic affection for someone because people might think it’s romantic.

Sometimes it feels like society has forgotten that love aside from heterosexual romantic love (even heterosexual love that isn’t sexually driven) exists and is valid and real and experienced by everyone. Love exists in a whole multitude of types: love between friends, love between family members, purely sexual love, romantic love that doesn’t involve any sex at all, love between partners who are both men, or both women, or who fit into neither box. It’s a little sad that people seem to forget about this broad spectrum, and that only certain types of love are focused on and valued by society.

I think it’s pretty rubbish that a group of people within society are uncomfortable with expressing any sort of affection. Affection, love, passion: they’re all pretty amazing feelings. Knowing that you can feel strongly about someone, anyone, is truly comforting, and being able to tell that to them, to shout your feelings from the rooftops, must be great for both them and you.

Love is a positive, constructive, happy thing as far as I’m concerned. It’s something that should be celebrated. The human ability to feel love of any type is one of our greatest qualities. I think it’s a waste to restrict some kinds of love, to make them be stigmatised, to make people be afraid of expressing them in case people get the wrong idea, or in case you’re discriminated against for that.

No homo is an upsetting, worrying reflection of society’s attitudes towards affection, and I really wish it wasn’t something that anyone felt the need to add to their “I love you”s. Love shouldn’t need qualifiers or “oh but I didn’t mean it that way”s, whoever it’s said to and however it’s meant. Love is a nice thing, it’s a many faceted, multi-coloured thing.

I want to live in a society where people don’t have to be afraid to express affection for one another, either because they aren’t straight, or because people might think they aren’t straight. It’s unfair to deny people such a potentially exciting and interesting emotion. It’s a fulfilling emotion, and an important one, and to be able to recognise it is equally important.

So I suggest people ought to think before they use the phrase ‘no homo’. Think about what it means for the group of people who are disparaged by it. Think about the fact that you’re saying something nice to someone who clearly means a lot to you. Does it really matter if what you say is misinterpreted by other people? As hard as it might seem, be proud of your emotions, don’t regret them, don’t hide them. They’re important and they’re natural, and who knows, they might make someone else’s day.