Six of the Strangest Homophobes

(S)

Have you ever looked at a news story and thought “that is the strangest thing I have ever read”? Have you ever wanted to just take someone by the shoulders and give them a strong shake? From the silly to the strange, from the bonkers to the downright bizarre, I have found seven of the weirdest stories (in my opinion) and compiled them here. They include the Westboro Baptist Church contracting some new (and completely unexpected) critics, a politician worried that he might actually have to get married to a man if marriage equality happens, a homophobe hiring a male escort (supposedly to cure him), and a man setting fire to some cereal. Standard fare in homophobe-land!






1. Nobody should sleep with people of the same gender (except us)

Say hello to the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, also known as NARTH. NARTH is, as you may have guessed, a bogus organisation that believes homosexuality can be cured. Every year, NARTH gives an award (called the Sigmund Freud Award) to the member who is seen to be the most influential in the organisation. A man called George Rekers was awarded the Sigmund Freud in 2000. In 2010, he resigned from NARTH.

He resigned because he hired a man from a gay escort service. For two entire weeks. Don’t worry, before you draw unnecessary conclusions (what are you like, reader?), Rekers says it was so he could convert him to heterosexuality – and so the escort could carry the luggage. For two weeks. I don’t know, it all seems completely not suspicious and if it did turn out that Rekers was sleeping with the man, then that definitely would not be completely hypocritical of him.

Either way, the escort himself asserted that there wasn’t much luggage carrying involved, if you get my drift.

The escort himself, hired to "carry luggage" (S)

2. Cheerios are the choice treat for gays, apparently

I never thought I’d be so happy to see some arson re-emerging from the depths of the internet, but I think in this instance I’d have to make an exception. In June 2012, General Mills asserted that they were in favour of marriage equality. In retaliation, a man travelled to their headquarters and, armed with a camera crew, a getaway car, a makeshift flamethrower, and a box of Cheerios, tried to take a stand against GM’s rampant liberal views. The result? The fire gets a bit out of control and he attempts to put it out. When it continues to burn (because apparently Cheerios have the ability to burn with the fire of a thousand suns) he makes a swift retreat.


3. I don’t have strong feelings, but…

Noted actor Jeremy Irons is quick to assure everyone that he has no strong feelings either way, but “he just worries” about extending the marriage definition in America to include same sex couples. He then swiftly segues into a slightly alarming topic choice by saying “I could marry my son and pass on my estate to him”. His reasoning? Men don’t breed, and therefore the incest laws don’t apply (at least in his mind – I’m sure a lawyer would have a slightly different opinion on the matter), so what’s to stop tax evasion by men marrying their sons?

I’ve heard some weird arguments against same sex marriage in my time, Mr Irons, but funnily enough I’ve only heard bigots pull the incest card (even if you don’t have a strong feeling either way).



4. Oh, we have marriage equality? I guess I’d better be gay now, then…

In September 2012, Jim Wallace, the head of the Australian Christian Lobby, told everyone that marriage equality “encourages people to be gay”. He’s not the only one to say it – homophobes the world over are terrified that if there is equality then they’ll start getting the warm fuzzies for everyone (look at how secure in their sexuality they are). So why are they so worried? It's times like this when they should look to that great quote - "if you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married!"

"Why don't you all like me?" (S)

5. Anonymous hacks at the speed of Shirley Phelps-Roper preaching

The Westboro Baptist Church, hailing from Kansas, had a bit of a blunder in February 2011. They supposedly successfully fended off a cyber-attack from the internet gathering that is known as Anonymous, despite protests of innocence from Anonymous. In a radio interview involving Shirley Phelps-Roper of the WBC and a member of Anonymous, Shirley told Anonymous that nobody can shut down the Church’s message, called them “lousy hackers” and . The hacker from Anonymous responded by hacking Westboro’s site live on air. I don't think Westboro saw it coming, somehow.



6. Woah there, let’s not get too excitable, Westboro

The notoriously homophobic Westboro Baptist Church (yes, I did write about them again. What can I say they're hilarious) has many, many critics. These range from the huge organisation Anonymous, to the vast majority of people on the street. They believe they are spreading “God’s message” that America’s tolerance for gay people is the cause of all of America’s problems. When we’re not busy being immoral (or whatever else it is that the WBC thinks we do), we’re influencing local weather patterns. But, things change, and Westboro has attracted possibly the worst critic that they could possibly have telling them that they’re too extremist. Yes, the Ku Klux Klan has released a video statement that they don’t agree with the WBC's values. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the KKK, of all organisations, is the last one you want to be labelled "too extreme" by.