A Little Bothersome

(s)

Hi y'all! So today I'ma gonna talk about something that bothers me. It's something that bothers me because it bothers me. One of those things. 

So for the past fourteen years, I've been best friends with my..well best friend. We grew up together, the joke is that we're a married couple. We do everything together and we're very, very close as one would imagine. We've discussed being in a relationship, but we both agreed in the long run, it'd be weird for us, so being super close best friends is just what we want.

The thing is, we walk in unison, we say the same things, we do everything together and we look well.. like a couple. And that bothers me. And it shouldn't bother me, should it? Because I know there is nothing wrong with a couple of any gender. I completely understand and acknowledge love is love and it certainly isn't my place to judge others based on gender and who they like. I have gay friends, straight friends, bi friends, pan friends, ace friends, the list goes on and I accept them because they're fun people to hang out with, not from their orientations or genders.

So why does this bother me?

Here's an example: my friend and I went to the movies together. We were gonna see Frankenstein, the stage production that was filmed and only has 3 showing days and we lucked out that it was playing when it was and yeah the tickets were expensive but oh my gosh, I have no regrets, it was the best thing ever. So when scoring the tickets, I bought them online. Both of them to make it easier. So I had my friend's ticket and she owed me for it. So when we were at the theatre together, she bought my popcorn and drink, it was in and around the price of the ticket in the end, so we call it even. But the girl behind the counter was giving us looks. Like “oooooooooooh lookit that couple!!!!” looks. And I know what she sees: two girls who are close, seeing a movie together, that just screams date, doesn't it? And yeah, good for the girl working there to accept us (I think she was anyway). So there were no problems. Friend paid me back, person at the counter was nice to us. Good things.

So.

Why.

Does.

It.

Bother.

Me.

It bothered me so much, I didn't think I fit in the LGBT community anymore, since my thoughts were this. It felt like I was saying, “Gay people are okay..but-” and it made me feel fake. Which is not true, I'm not part of the community for a status or anything, I just enjoy being in it.

So I have no problems with gay couples. But this bothers me. Why!

I slowly came to my conclusion: I don't like it because it's not true. Because someone is trying to put me in the “oh she must be gay” box. But I don't actually fit there. I fit in the “oh she must be asexual” box much better. It bothered me because these assumptions were false. And I felt a bit intrusive almost, I felt like I was going onto a place that wasn't my territory and even guilty that I was given a title that wasn't mine at all.

Obviously, it takes too much energy to go to everyone and say, “We're not dating, she's just my friend, we're both asexual with no desire for a relationship with each other or anyone else at that time and we simply enjoy each other's company and although we may look like we are a couple, we're only a couple of friends, but this makes us both very happy and for the time being, this works and we're both good with it.” That is the complete truth and I'd like is so much better if people thought this, but I'm too shy. 

But it was nice to know where this was coming from. But this led to another thing. What this experience has done is awoken me to the labeling I do.

I was at McDonald's with my best friend, we said it probably looked like a date. Nearish to us were two girls about our age, university age. See, this McDonald's happens to be near the residences and a bus route with buses every five minutes so university kids there is not a rare occurrence. But these two girls looked like they were together. And I thought that was cute and they weren't afraid to show their affection for each other in public and good for them. But it occurred to me: they might not be a couple, they could be friends eating lunch together. And it just made me realise how much I assume someone's sexuality by their peers or clothing choices. I don't outfront go and tell someone what I think they are, but still..I'm making a judgement based on only what I see for a few minutes. And it's not fair to them that I do this.

So really, this blog post was my awakening of labels and this is just the beginning, I know, but hopefully this will start a change in the way I view others.