 |
| See..it's a relaxed frog because this post has conclusions..it's a theme..I hope it comes across as that way! |
Okay last blog post until the new year. I have nothing festive. Nothing. At. All. So how about a continuation of last week's judgement post?
So last week I ranted about how I hate it when people judge me. I get looks when I'm with my best friend. Frankly, we do look like a couple and I often call her “sweetie” or “honey” so that only makes it look more like a couple.
I even have another example of judgement.
Last week I was walking my two dogs. And I ran into my neighbour walking his dog. We started talking and my neighbour said, “Katherine!” (Katherine is my actual name on all government documents, I get called Kal by a small group of individuals who I trust) “It's Saturday night, why aren't you out at the clubs or with a boyfriend?”
There we go. Passing judgement again. Now he was nice about it, he was joking, I know, but it still bothered me. I smiled and said, “Hey man, I have two dogs! I've got no time for a boyfriend! The dogs keep me far too busy!” So he laughed and said that was true. And that topic was over. But it still bothered me. It bothered me that he assumed I was straight. And worst part is I know it's something so small to get annoyed over, he meant no harm by it, I know! But still..it bothered me. I didn't correct him, he was trying to be silly, he wasn't being offensive.
Of course there's another example to go with it.
I went to see the Hobbit with my best friend but before we saw the movie, we went into a tea store to get some tea for a friend's Christmas present. I wondered how many people were judging us, were thinking we were dating. We were in line and a nice young man took care of us. My friend was new to the tea place and he was very accommodating. And it was about 9:00am, the store had just opened and he was very jolly and was smiling. Really nice guy, he even asked what our day plan was, we said to see the Hobbit, he said he had seen it twice and it is amazing. So we had our tea and left. When we were out of an earshot, I mentioned to my friend, “I wonder if he's gay?” And that pissed me off. Because what does it matter? I was going by stereotypes, by the way he talked and dressed and really, he could be straight or bi or none of the above. Or maybe he doesn't even identify with a sexual orientation. Either way, it is none of my business. And that bothered me, that I was trying to make his very personal life part of my business.
Sigh.
Luckily for me, I have a therapist. We talk about big important things that impact me negatively and I try to target the really big things. But my judging others and others judging me was pissing me off, so I talked to her about it.
So I have a new conclusion. See, last week I had no conclusion, just that people will judge others. But I was told to see it another way: the people giving glances to me and my best friend at the mall..I have no idea what they could have been thinking. It could be “oh are they a couple?” to “wow I really like her hair” to “really those boots with that shirt?” to “oh look they opened a new store” because I don't even know if they were looking at me or the Victoria's Secret behind me. So I was judging people that may or may not be judging me. I felt rather silly from this.
So then we tackled part two of all of this: why I try to figure out someone's sexual orientation. I went over that I was 100% aware there is nothing wrong with any orientation at all and it doesn't change the person, but why do I do it and how can I stop?
The answer surprised me. Now, I know this is one person's opinion, she may be wrong, but I think my therapist is awesome and I liked her answer. The conclusion was that I will always judge people. Always. Whether it be their sexual orientation to what they wear. There will always be those few seconds of me looking them over and coming to my own answers about them. And others do that to me. What makes this a problem is actions from this. So when I assume someone's sexual orientation and have no problem with it, that's fine. That's good. If I didn't approve of their orientation and decided to centre them out and make a big deal and start attacking, that's bad. That is really really bad. The line is drawn, coming to conclusions are fine, feeling the need to attack is not.
And with plans to major in sexuality studies next year and wanting to learn about all things to do with orientations, it's no wonder it's on my mind a lot and that I realise this. I do come to conclusions on what a stranger is wearing: from “why did you choose that outfit” to “oh wow they rock that, I wish I looked that good” but sexual orientation is the one thing that I remember judging.
I think this blog post is closure for last week, that judgements are okay as long as hate doesn't come from it. I may disagree with someone's clothing choice, but I wouldn't target them and yell at them. I may think it's cute that two men aren't afraid to show affection to each other out in public, but I wouldn't tell them that, I'd just go about my day. And that, what I think so far, is the right thing to do.
Follow @FRW
