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| lifesigns.org |
So as you've probably guessed by the title, this isn't going to be a light-hearted post. But for me the topic of self-injury is very sensitive and personal, and I couldn't not write a post about it. So what is self-injury? Self-injury is a coping mechanism. An individual will inflict direct injuries to their body in order to deal with emotional pain, or to escape a feeling of numbness by causing themselves physical pain. Physical pain is often easier to cope with than emotional pain, it gives a person relief but only for a short period of time. Self-injury deals with the pain of a moment but does not deal with what is causing the pain. It allows people to feel like they are in control of their pain. This is why self-injury can become a habit for many people. Other people will self injure to punish themselves. Many people believe that self-injury is automatically linked to suicidal thoughts and behaviour, however this isn't always the case. In fact, it's often the opposite, people who self injure don't want to die, they just want to be rid of the pain, they self-harm to survive.
It is important to understand that self-injury is not attention seeking, people go to great lengths to hide what ever injuries they have inflicted themselves. They will not easily seek out medical care for their wounds and will try to deal with them themselves. Self-injury is a private act. Family and friends don't often know that their loved one is harming themselves unless they are told or actually see an injury. It is very hard for a self-harmer to reach out for support and talk about it. The main reasons I think are caused by shame, the fear of how people will react, people who self-harm often find words inefficient and not strong enough to express their feelings, and there is also the taboo that society has placed around self-injury. Multiple disorders are recognised as things that have to be dealt with : stress, eating disorders and even suicide; but when self-injury comes into the picture people often brush it of as something that is done for attention and say that whoever does it will grow out of it.
That is wrong, someone who self harms can be of any age, it isn't just teenager girls who self-harm - that's a stereotype. There is no specific type of person who self-injures, it can be anyone. You can't guess who is more likely to self harm. A self harmer can be any age, of any sexuality, any sex, gender identity...
There is more than one way to self-harm, here are a few examples : burning, cutting, biting, head-banging, substance abuse, over-dosing, self-poisoning, scratching, neglecting oneself...
No self-harmer is the same, and there are many reasons behind self-harm: childhood sexual abuse, difficulty accepting one's sexual orientation, bullying, low self-esteem, stress, financial difficulties, and many more.
What to do if you know someone who self harms?
Can I talk about? Should I remain quiet? Should I ask if the wounds are OK? These are a few of many questions someone who has just found out their loved one is hurting themselves.When you first find out that someone is self harming, you might be in a state of shock at a loss for words and wondering how you didn't notice. You may be feeling frustrated and angry but at the same time sad and guilty. All of this is normal. But your first reaction to the person who self-harms is going to be very important as they will react in accordance to this. If your reaction is anger and you ask them to stop right away and not to do it again, you can be sure that they will walk away feeling even worse than before they talked to you, you will have only proved that you aren't trying to understand and aren't listening to what they are trying to tell you. However, even if you react with concern, don't be surprised if your loved one looks distressed or brushes off your concern.
At first try not to focus on the injuries and what caused them, it won't help you or your loved one; instead try and concentrate on getting to the bottom of the emotional pain of what caused the person to hurt themselves - please remember to look after yourself too. It isn't an easy process, and can be very hard for the people helping the self-harmer.
If you're a parent:
That is wrong, someone who self harms can be of any age, it isn't just teenager girls who self-harm - that's a stereotype. There is no specific type of person who self-injures, it can be anyone. You can't guess who is more likely to self harm. A self harmer can be any age, of any sexuality, any sex, gender identity...
There is more than one way to self-harm, here are a few examples : burning, cutting, biting, head-banging, substance abuse, over-dosing, self-poisoning, scratching, neglecting oneself...
No self-harmer is the same, and there are many reasons behind self-harm: childhood sexual abuse, difficulty accepting one's sexual orientation, bullying, low self-esteem, stress, financial difficulties, and many more.
What to do if you know someone who self harms?
Can I talk about? Should I remain quiet? Should I ask if the wounds are OK? These are a few of many questions someone who has just found out their loved one is hurting themselves.When you first find out that someone is self harming, you might be in a state of shock at a loss for words and wondering how you didn't notice. You may be feeling frustrated and angry but at the same time sad and guilty. All of this is normal. But your first reaction to the person who self-harms is going to be very important as they will react in accordance to this. If your reaction is anger and you ask them to stop right away and not to do it again, you can be sure that they will walk away feeling even worse than before they talked to you, you will have only proved that you aren't trying to understand and aren't listening to what they are trying to tell you. However, even if you react with concern, don't be surprised if your loved one looks distressed or brushes off your concern.
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If you're a parent:
Finding out that your child self-harms will come as a shock, you will start questioning what you've done wrong and how couldn't you have seen that something was wrong. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself, and try not to panic. Make your child aware that you're there for them if they want to talk but don't suffocate them. Keep in mind that anything, even the smallest thing may trigger them so if they tell you that something is making them uneasy take their word for it.
Don't force your child into seeking professional help - even if it's what you really want to do, it won't help the healing process. Don't tell them they were stupid for doing what they did, you'll only make them feel worth and make your child distance themselves from you even more.
If somehow you make your child promise to not self-harm again and find out that they have, don't get mad at them, don't tell them you can't trust them. The truth is self-harming is caused by something so much bigger than it first seems. Just support them and make sure they know that you love them no matter what.
If you're a friend:
If somehow you make your child promise to not self-harm again and find out that they have, don't get mad at them, don't tell them you can't trust them. The truth is self-harming is caused by something so much bigger than it first seems. Just support them and make sure they know that you love them no matter what.
If you're a friend:
If you're under 18, you might be forced by the person who is self-injuring not to tell anyone, however if you're concerned about how serious it is and if the person may be suicidal, the best thing is is to contact an adult who will be able to help and support your friend. Even if your friend is mad at you after, remind them that you did it because you were concerned for their health and safety.
Be there to listen and try to remain patient with your friend even if it isn't easy. Remind them that they are not alone and that you're there for them.
Be there to listen and try to remain patient with your friend even if it isn't easy. Remind them that they are not alone and that you're there for them.
Don't forget to look after yourself though, you must not allow your friend's state to drag you down and make you feel depressed.
Self-injury and the QUILTBAG community:
People who are part of the QUILTBAG community experience self-harm more than any other of their peers. Some statistics published by the Lesbian and Gay foundation found that QUILTBAG youth are 3 to 6 times more likely to self-harm than any other young people.
The truth is though, it isn't just young people who self-harm, self-harm in the community can be found in any age group. It is obvious that homophobia, isolation, feeling different from others, bullying, hate crimes are some of the reasons why people of the LGBT community self-harm. And while LGBT visibility and rights have improved a lot over the last few years, there is still a lot of stigma attached to the LGBT community, teenagers will grow up hearing negative things being said about the community every day and will feel like they have to hide who they are from the rest of world. Most teenagers will grow-up not knowing anyone they can talk to and are able to relate to. All these factors contribute to self-harming behaviour.
Not all LGBT resort to self-harm, self-harm is just one of many coping mechanisms, probably one of the most unhealthy, but a coping mechanism nonetheless.
If you've self-harmed, or feel like that you might, try and reach out and talk to someone. I know it's not easy, but it helps. But even more importantly please take care!
Self-injury and the QUILTBAG community:
People who are part of the QUILTBAG community experience self-harm more than any other of their peers. Some statistics published by the Lesbian and Gay foundation found that QUILTBAG youth are 3 to 6 times more likely to self-harm than any other young people.
The truth is though, it isn't just young people who self-harm, self-harm in the community can be found in any age group. It is obvious that homophobia, isolation, feeling different from others, bullying, hate crimes are some of the reasons why people of the LGBT community self-harm. And while LGBT visibility and rights have improved a lot over the last few years, there is still a lot of stigma attached to the LGBT community, teenagers will grow up hearing negative things being said about the community every day and will feel like they have to hide who they are from the rest of world. Most teenagers will grow-up not knowing anyone they can talk to and are able to relate to. All these factors contribute to self-harming behaviour.
Not all LGBT resort to self-harm, self-harm is just one of many coping mechanisms, probably one of the most unhealthy, but a coping mechanism nonetheless.
If you've self-harmed, or feel like that you might, try and reach out and talk to someone. I know it's not easy, but it helps. But even more importantly please take care!
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