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| Myriam Blanc and Astrid Boekholtavec were two of the parents present at the conference |
Recently I attended a conference on adoption and same-sex parenthood in Bordeaux, France. It was an emotional evening with same-sex couples giving accounts of their experiences and the hell they have been through to have children because of the French system. The conference was also attended by other representatives of local LGBT associations, and the director of interim President, François Hollande's online election campaign, Vincent Feltesse, now the county deputy who described himself on the night as "very close to Mr. Hollande".
"If there were one thing I could say to the politicians it would be 'choose your words carefully'" said Patricia Cohen, 61 year-old lesbian mother of two. "There's one term I don't like that's being used in the media and by politicians at the moment and that is 'same-sex parents'. I don't see why a bill is being reviewed for 'same-sex parenthood' when all the research shows we're just as capable as heterosexual partners when it comes to raising a child correctly. The existing laws should be amended from 'a father and a mother' to 'parents', and not the creation of something different altogether."
"Differentiating us from heterosexual parents suggests there's something different about the way we raise our kids" added Myriam Blanc, pictured above with her daughter. "We're no different to our fellow heterosexual parents in the way that we get up every morning, get ready for the school run, eat our breakfasts and go to the bus stop" argued her partner, Astrid. The situation is complex in their household, as it is in every same-sex relationship with children involved in France. Currently, there are no laws to protect children in a same-sex relationship since marriage, adoption, Medically Assisted Procreation (MAP) and surrogacy are forbidden to same-sex partners.
Myriam and her partner Astrid (also pictured above with her daughter) had to spend eight months in Belgium to each have their daughters through MAP, each of them having chosen a different gay couple who were close friends of theirs as donors. In Astrid's case, a few weeks before the birth of her daughter, her close friend suddenly went back on what he had previously decided and requested to legally recognize his daughter. Without much say in the matter, Astrid's daughter is now also the daughter of her donor meaning if he were to die and Astrid weren't married to Myriam, her donor's family would have every right to take her child away from her. While Astrid and Myriam trust her donor's family, they know that families can often completely change their points of view and their emotions are often swept in a different pattern after the death of a close one.
'Choose your words carefully' is certainly a message the French LGBT community has started to emphasize more heavily in recent weeks when President Hollande stood in front of all the mayors of France at the Mayors' Congress and stated they would be able to choose whether or not to perform same-sex civil marriages because of 'freedom of religion'. This statement caused uproar amongst those who support equal rights who also made up the majority of his voters. Mr. Hollande went back on what he said the next day, echoing what critics had been shouting in saying it was "inappropriate" and "will not be included in the marriage equality bill".
Michel Salivade, Mayor of Marsac-en-Livradois argued "If the Mayor of a commune does not enforce the law, how can he ask his fellow citizens to do so?"
The equal rights debate has heated up in France and is already in full-swing with over 100,000 anti-equality protesters holding rallies in November and thousands more doing so (both for and against equality) every weekend all around the country. The debate is due to hit the floor of the national assembly at the end of the month. LGBT associations nationwide are calling supporters of equality to jump into action and join the fight, including my university's group in our video below.
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