Today, in honour of Mental Health Week in Australia, I will be talking to you all about the It Gets Better project- one that sadly, my friends and I have taken to mocking every time one of us is having a rough day. Have you ever seen a video of someone else's successes and decided that made your life so much more worth living? Has someone saying little but "it gets better" when you're holding your vodka and asprin ever actually changed your point of view on life, or magically made you want to put the objects down and spend the rest of your days prancing around under rainbows singing the Teletubbies theme song?
For someone who's been on the brink of suicide far too often to count, I'll answer that for you: never.
It's a good idea- of course. They're telling LGBTQ youth that it's okay to be gay and that because things got better for them, they'll get better for us. And there are many good things about it, like The Trevor Helpline and all the other anti-suicide work they're doing. Yet the phrase "it gets better" is the first thing that springs to mind whenever I think of them, and lets be honest. It used to work but now? Teenagers aren't listening to it anymore.
I don't keep it a secret that I'm mentally ill. I do as much as I can, acting like half a real human being, only to have a break down the next week and suddenly, the pressure's too much and I can't see another way out. My early onset bipolar disorder, general and social anxiety disorders, and eating disorder have become far too big a part in my life for comfort, and they tend to have me on death row more than I'd like (at this point in time where my mood is somewhat stable). I've been suicidal- you can still see the scars (my attempts weren't even near to effective, in case you were wondering) and even now, it's still in the corner of my mind doing cartwheels to burn excess energy and awaiting the slightest weakness in my mindset to come bounding back into the spotlight.
I'm probably a minority in this; but It Gets Better never helped me. Sure, it was kind of cool hearing my favourite famous people tell me I was a cool person and stuff, but did that ever make enough of an impact to stop my attempts and magically switch off my disorders? Definitely not. Anything that the more obnoxious kids at school can turn into condescension is unlikely to work.
What has helped me in the past, was more than It Gets Better. It was my friends promising that I could call them day or night if I needed them (and me returning the favour as soon as I could). It was the teachers who noticed my scars and let me sit with them at breaktimes when I wasn't feeling safe. It was the schools who actually listened to my needs and let me implement an emergency plan for at school, so if I panic I no longer have to sit in class where panic attacks are sent to fester. And, it was my various teams and support networks, who helped me pick up my school work and writing again and find new ways to start enjoying my life.
I'm a minority. My mental illnesses have very little to do with my sexuality. And vice versa. I've seen a few counsellors who were convinced the two were linked, despite the fact that I know I had much more pressing issues to discuss at the time. My sexuality is honestly not a big deal to me, and I don't even feel it needs a label anymore. Yet to these mental health professionals, they must have been the only things in my life to warrant such a range of illnesses.
The misconception that queer = mentally ill is not just completely wrong; it's setting a precedent world wide that every LGBTQ person must struggle with themselves, therefore messing with the chemicals in their brain.
To any future or current mental health professionals out there reading this, let me get one thing straight.
Some people have a natural disposition to mental illness, whether that be trauma or genetics. A straight identifying and a queer identifying person who are experiencing identical symptoms and who have identical life stories (despite sexuality) should receive an identical diagnosis. Unless there has been trauma or a person has struggled with their sexuality, they haven't and there hasn't been. And therefore, sexuality is not always a cause of mental illness.
Not every person in the LGBTQ community is going to be surrounded by homophobia and ridicule, and though it's incredibly likely that we will all face it at some point in our lives, that doesn't make it a definite. Almost all my friends are queer, and our straight friends are enough of a minority that we could probably call them our token straight friends. A lot of my friends suffer from mental illness too, but I can’t see how that might be linked to their sexualities. We've all faced pockets of homophobia, but not to a point where it’s caused our illnesses.
I'm in recovery, but that's nothing to do with It Gets Better. The campaign has it's limits, I suppose. My recovery has been spurred on by realising that I'm hurting people around me and, allegedly, the more important thing; I'm hurting myself too.
I was not 'fixed' by someone’s video on YouTube telling me that they succeeded in something and therefore I can too.
In my seventeen years, I have battled early onset bipolar, general and social anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder. I've hated myself, I've self harmed, and I've starved myself. But none of that- none at all- is in any way linked to my sexuality, or people’s opinions on what is simply a part of my personality. Some people’s decline into mental illness is triggered by a lack of self-acceptance and homophobia- but not everyone’s.
Now as for that excuse, I was out of the country (in Thailand!!) for a few weeks and therefore didn't have time to get any words out. I do hope you'll all forgive me.
For someone who's been on the brink of suicide far too often to count, I'll answer that for you: never.
It's a good idea- of course. They're telling LGBTQ youth that it's okay to be gay and that because things got better for them, they'll get better for us. And there are many good things about it, like The Trevor Helpline and all the other anti-suicide work they're doing. Yet the phrase "it gets better" is the first thing that springs to mind whenever I think of them, and lets be honest. It used to work but now? Teenagers aren't listening to it anymore.
I don't keep it a secret that I'm mentally ill. I do as much as I can, acting like half a real human being, only to have a break down the next week and suddenly, the pressure's too much and I can't see another way out. My early onset bipolar disorder, general and social anxiety disorders, and eating disorder have become far too big a part in my life for comfort, and they tend to have me on death row more than I'd like (at this point in time where my mood is somewhat stable). I've been suicidal- you can still see the scars (my attempts weren't even near to effective, in case you were wondering) and even now, it's still in the corner of my mind doing cartwheels to burn excess energy and awaiting the slightest weakness in my mindset to come bounding back into the spotlight.
I'm probably a minority in this; but It Gets Better never helped me. Sure, it was kind of cool hearing my favourite famous people tell me I was a cool person and stuff, but did that ever make enough of an impact to stop my attempts and magically switch off my disorders? Definitely not. Anything that the more obnoxious kids at school can turn into condescension is unlikely to work.
What has helped me in the past, was more than It Gets Better. It was my friends promising that I could call them day or night if I needed them (and me returning the favour as soon as I could). It was the teachers who noticed my scars and let me sit with them at breaktimes when I wasn't feeling safe. It was the schools who actually listened to my needs and let me implement an emergency plan for at school, so if I panic I no longer have to sit in class where panic attacks are sent to fester. And, it was my various teams and support networks, who helped me pick up my school work and writing again and find new ways to start enjoying my life.
I'm a minority. My mental illnesses have very little to do with my sexuality. And vice versa. I've seen a few counsellors who were convinced the two were linked, despite the fact that I know I had much more pressing issues to discuss at the time. My sexuality is honestly not a big deal to me, and I don't even feel it needs a label anymore. Yet to these mental health professionals, they must have been the only things in my life to warrant such a range of illnesses.
The misconception that queer = mentally ill is not just completely wrong; it's setting a precedent world wide that every LGBTQ person must struggle with themselves, therefore messing with the chemicals in their brain.
To any future or current mental health professionals out there reading this, let me get one thing straight.
Some people have a natural disposition to mental illness, whether that be trauma or genetics. A straight identifying and a queer identifying person who are experiencing identical symptoms and who have identical life stories (despite sexuality) should receive an identical diagnosis. Unless there has been trauma or a person has struggled with their sexuality, they haven't and there hasn't been. And therefore, sexuality is not always a cause of mental illness.
Not every person in the LGBTQ community is going to be surrounded by homophobia and ridicule, and though it's incredibly likely that we will all face it at some point in our lives, that doesn't make it a definite. Almost all my friends are queer, and our straight friends are enough of a minority that we could probably call them our token straight friends. A lot of my friends suffer from mental illness too, but I can’t see how that might be linked to their sexualities. We've all faced pockets of homophobia, but not to a point where it’s caused our illnesses.
I'm in recovery, but that's nothing to do with It Gets Better. The campaign has it's limits, I suppose. My recovery has been spurred on by realising that I'm hurting people around me and, allegedly, the more important thing; I'm hurting myself too.
I was not 'fixed' by someone’s video on YouTube telling me that they succeeded in something and therefore I can too.
In my seventeen years, I have battled early onset bipolar, general and social anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder. I've hated myself, I've self harmed, and I've starved myself. But none of that- none at all- is in any way linked to my sexuality, or people’s opinions on what is simply a part of my personality. Some people’s decline into mental illness is triggered by a lack of self-acceptance and homophobia- but not everyone’s.
Now as for that excuse, I was out of the country (in Thailand!!) for a few weeks and therefore didn't have time to get any words out. I do hope you'll all forgive me.
Note: If you are actually struggling with accepting your sexuality, or are one of the people who's illnesses are triggered by your sexuality, there is hope. The Trevor Project does have some pretty good services. You can also find suicide helplines for your country here, or you can send me a tweet if you just want to talk.
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