It's OK to call people fags

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You might remember a post written by Patrick a while ago about homophobia in his school, which is also my school. According to his Spanish class there is no homophobia in our school.

What if I were to tell you that one of the students who was sitting right in front of the teacher firmly shaking his head to the question "is there any homophobia in school?", was one of the two students who spent last Monday's lunch break shouting "fag" at a boy.

You can't tell me that this isn't homophobic behaviour.

(For convenience and privacy reasons the two people will be called Ted and Emma.)

What happened last Monday was something I'd never expected to experience or witness, especially not from my own friends.

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We were sitting on a bench when suddenly Emma points out to Ted that "the stupid fag" is walking past. Ted notices him and they both start to shout "fag", "stupid fag" at the boy until he was out of ear shot.
I sat there shocked by what I had just heard. It was something I hadn't seen coming and definitely wasn't expecting from my friends. As the shock of what had just happened passed, a wave of anger overtook me, I was furious about what they had just done, yet I remained silent. Don't ask me why, but I guess that I was still taking it all in at that point.

As we were queuing, waiting to go and eat, Ted and Emma started calling this boy fag once again, my anger was at boiling point and I was ready to explode, but people got in between us and so I was left fuming in my corner.

I thought that it had stopped as I heard nothing homophobic throughout most of the meal, but near the end of lunch I heard "oh he's walking past; the little fag's walking past". I looked outside then turned to Ted, and asked him bitterly what his problem was. "He's not nice, he asked for it" was the reply. His reply made me if possible even angrier and so I asked him how the boy had asked for it. No one asks to be bullied. Guess what his reply was: "He deserved it, he insulted [Emma and me]". Furious I said that his attitude was narrow-minded and homophobic. His next reply would leave more than one speechless, "I'm not homophobic, you know I'm not homophobic; I'll never be homophobic. It's just this guy, it's only him." That lit the fuse and I exploded, I told him that as soon as you start using "fag" or "gay" against people it is homophobia and doesn't matter if it's just one person because nothing justifies homophobia, nothing justifies hate. There was no excuse for the way he behaved.

I realised by the end of all this that I was standing up and that a load of 11-14 year-olds were staring at my table. Hopefully some of them will remember my outburst and learn something from it.

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Later on I had a chat with Ted and gave him a piece of my mind. I wanted him to understand that his behaviour was unacceptable and that no matter what he says, he was being homophobic. I also explained that he wasn't just insulting and hurting one boy, but many others who heard him (he hurt me, but I didn't tell him that) and that the damage caused by words could go a very long way. I told him to imagine how that boy must feel, and how others hearing what he said must feel. Some will go home feeling like they will never be accepted, others will be even more worried about coming out. They'll feel depressed.

I don't know if I got through to him; he just said that he already knew all that and that he wouldn't do it again. If he does, he can be sure that I'll have something to say.

What makes this even more unbelievable for me, is that Ted has - in the past - had a go at other people for being homophobic, notably one of his friends. However, if I were to put Ted and his friend in parallel right now, what Ted did is far more serious. His friend is known to be sexist, racist and homophobic - he finds it sick and wrong, but I am yet to see him do what Ted did. So Ted gives out to people for being homophobic and narrow-minded but turns around and does exactly the thing he says is wrong. Under the pretext that it's "OK"; 'It's OK, because it's only him."

For the past week my friend has been avoiding eye-contact, and hardly said anything to me. If I'm honest, I don't really care because I don't want to talk to people who think the way he thinks and I really hope that he's feeling ashamed of himself.