"Gay marriage is stupid."
At least, that is what my father thinks of it and I'm not afraid to say that here. They are actually his own words. I overheard him say it at the weekend when the subject of marriage equality in Britain came on the news. He is, however, in favour of the 'separate but equal' arrangement; domestic partnerships. Yep, separate is equal. That's why racial segregation still exists today! So all hope is not lost. He is accepting of homosexuality to some extent, but rejects the idea that marriage will change anything for same-sex couples and feels equality for all LGBT people has been achieved already.
This is an opinion that is all-too-common amongst some heterosexuals, who aren't necessarily homophobic. The statement "well there aren't straight pride events" is heard quite often. It is something I have been thinking about and it's something I will try my best to clarify through this post. I have been thinking about why we're fighting for marriage equality and why it's so important to us. So let me share with you, Dad, my findings.
So, are you saying that the concept of me marrying the person I love is stupid? That that special bond you have with your partner "isn't that much of a deal" and should be denied to me? Do you know there are around 1,000 other rights that come with the right to marry in the United States? In Britain, the same rights come with a domestic partnership as with marriage, save for the possibility of a religious service and for the fact that religious readings, music and symbols are all banned in a civil partnership ceremony. So it's not the same as marriage. There are differences on both sides of the pond, but America seems to be a lot worse-off than Britain. Even so, there is still work to be done to get full equality before the law and constitution. But, it's not just about marriage. Oh, no. There's so much more to this fight than marriage.
The fact LGBT people are deprived of these rights makes us, by definition, second class citizens. But why is it important to get equality? Well, for a start, you wouldn't want to go through life feeling lesser than the vast majority of the population, would you? And this is a thought which creates major problems in the LGBT youth of today, and of yesterday. So you suddenly accept the fact you're LGBT one day and immediately thoughts run through your head. All kinds of things; bullying, homophobia or transphobia, your parents' reaction, what your friends will think, if you'll have any left, if you'll die of AIDS. It's absurd. And somewhere in the middle of all of this there's the thought that you're lesser-than in the eyes of the law, and you think your life is going to be dismal. And perhaps - as it so unfortunately happens in some cases - this thought can be a contributing factor to you putting a noose around your neck and kicking the chair from underneath you. Sadly, this is what happens to 30 to 40% of cases. LGBT teenagers are up to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual peers. They're not just discriminated against by their governments, but by schoolmates too. 9 out of 10 LGBT teens have been harassed or assaulted during the past year. All of these factors contribute to a suicide. It's called Minority Stress, and it takes the life of an LGBT person once every 17 minutes in the United States alone.
Now let's go back a few decades to when interracial marriage was illegal. There were people back then saying that was a "stupid idea", but it happened. So lets make an imaginary society where same-sex marriage is legal and see if it would fall apart- oh wait. No, hell, we can take Canada as an example! They've had same-sex marriage for quite a few years now, and so has Spain. And although the Pope always condemns the decision when he visits the country, or makes some remark about condoms being the work of the devil, I don't hear society cracking and crumbling... Sure, Spain's economy is in a mess right now, but that has got nothing to do with marriage. If anything, legalizing same-sex marriage was good for the economy, with more weddings being planned and therefore more business being created. You still can't enter a polygamous partnership and you still can't marry a goat, so it looks like they're not 'side-effects' of same-sex marriage. Anyways, a goat can't sign the marriage papers.
So now let's imagine that tomorrow when you wake up and you turn on the news, you see that gay marriage has been legalized - because one day that is going to happen. That would be one huge step towards equality for LGBT people, but there would still be a long way to go. The fight would not be over. Homophobia, transphobia, bullying and therefore suicides would still continue. And gay men would still be denied the opportunity to donate blood even though the HIV rates are much lower today than they were back in the 1980s when the ban was introduced. But it would give back to the LGBT movement the momentum it needs to make further changes. We would be so much closer to full equality. We would be given hope. As Harvey Milk once said, "you cannot live on hope alone". There must be further advancements in the equality movement to back that up. And it looks like we're heading in the right direction. As Hillary Clinton said a few months ago, "be on the right side of history".
No Dad, gay marriage is not stupid. Oh and thanks for the provocative title. I'm sure it'll pull me some readers.
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